[ xie lian gives her a look as she finishes, a little soulful. his emotions radiate next to hers - the concern spikes at the flash of her churning anger, but it tapers off as she finishes, and that sadness takes over. he's not...
he's not really happy about it, but he bites his tongue. ]
...Very well, Hikaru. I will only caution you this; the burdens that you carry by yourself are akin to an ocean. While sometimes, swimming against that current will prove fruitful, and you will continue to struggle forward... the moment that you lapse in it, the current will pull you under. It may only be for a moment, but it will tire you, each time, over and over, until you lack the strength to pull yourself up again.
[ the wisdom to his words comes from his own experiences. eight hundred years of solitude, and five years of unspeakable horror before that - xie lian is deeply in tune with what it means to suffer, alone.
but since hikaru wants him to move on, with that word of advice, he will respect her wishes. ] ...As for San Lang, I believe he may have been targeted this week by some sort of ability, instead of an item.
[She feels anger again, indignant and rich and vibrant, a painful flame against the guilt that crashes up like a wave of the very ocean Xie Lian speaks of. It hurts. But she digs her heels in.
She has made her choice, to push back up... and her anger forces her back into focus.]
What kind of ability? I thought no one could remember how to do special things, except for the Leaders...
[ in response to that anger, there's a quiet, steady undercurrent of emotion from xie lian - but it's of understanding. i know, it says. i believe in you. his worry for hikaru comes from a place of such genuine concern, because xie lian has been her, before. he has been young, and had the world placed on his shoulders, and he has been stubborn. the world broke him, in so many ways, to the point that he nearly lost who he was. he doesn't want to see that happen to her, either.
but, he looks away, as she starts to refocus, and looks outwards, instead, measured calm. a heart as still as water. ] ...I think that it is one that may have been gifted to someone by a Leader, in order to carry out an act this week. I don't know if it was Shima, or another party.
[That. Wasn't what she was expecting to hear, and it knocks the wind from her angry little sails from a moment.]
I... why, though? They said they can't give us anything. And to make people argue like that... it doesn't help anything. If it was Shima-kun, and he didn't want to be caught... why choose Claude and Hua-Chan?
Allow me to slow down, just a little: I don't know how many answers I have, Hikaru.
[ he doesn't say this meanly, or anything, because it is a lot to process. there's a lot going on with such a weighty set of words, so.
xie lian picks a place to start from, choosing his words carefully. ] ...What you said, that it doesn't help anything - I think that is the crux of it.
I have a theory as to why. On Monday of this week, when we were first introduced to this port, San Lang stepped up and attracted a lot of attention by starting to organize relating to the trial. He has taken a central role in the trials since that first week, helping out with body checks - he is also confident, and unafraid to say what he thinks. [ xie lian your gay is showing
anyway. ] If someone was planning to murder someone else, they would most likely want to avoid being caught, correct? And we all, that day, were talking about ways to prevent such a thing from happening, with San Lang leading the charge.
Moving forward, San Lang started acting oddly towards Claude on Wednesday morning; I noticed it almost right away, and when I went to confirm with Claude, it was much of the same. Neither of them could explain it, nor pinpoint a cause, and the mere mention of the other's name would send them both into fury. I initially thought it may have been related to an item, but as you saw today, it has carried on for some time, beyond the limits of the gemstones we were given.
So, my initial theory was that San Lang was being targeted by someone else, simply because he is so capable. But... if the case was only to trouble San Lang, then would I not have been the better choice as the second recipient of this odd affliction? It would have surely caused him agony, to suddenly hate me, both during the week of, and in the after effects, and it would have caused me great suffering as well, which would have certainly been a way to generate nova.
On the other hand... much like San Lang, Claude is very clever, and outspoken, as well. He has had several brilliant theories, and often helps us gather our thoughts together in these trials themselves. Having him incapacitated as a helping hand, along with San Lang, could hurt us in the long run.
So, if we move the theory to thinking that whoever did this wanted to cause a distraction, things start to make more sense. The two of them snapped at each other enough to cause little distractions early on, and I was quick to try and stop it - and your help was appreciated as well [ he gives her a little smile, briefly ] - but, each time that they argued, people's heads would turn. It culminated during the body check, and was an immediate distraction before things even began. When we get distracted, we miss things; even simple ones.
[ like shima's fucking leg.
a beat, as he lets that settle in. ]
I think that the person who did it chose them for that exact reason - to sow seeds of discord. The reason they didn't pick me as the second recipient makes more sense, when you think of it that way - I wouldn't have argued. San Lang can be childish, sometimes -- [ there is, in fact a reason that he gets on so well with claude in the first place, and it is because they are cut from the exact same cloth. it's actually why xie lian really likes claude, too. ] --and I have more patience than him and Claude combined.
But, by picking Claude, I think the person who did it was almost guaranteeing that there would be some sort of a scene. And they were right.
[ here, he sighs. ] ...I didn't catch them quite fast enough. I was trying to get dried off from our investigation, when it started, so I wasn't able to stop it, quite in time... I'm glad we handled it when we did, but I had anticipated that it was coming, and I was not wrong.
[Welp... she is properly chastized and squirms on her 1000 questions as Xie Lian picks his way through one of them. She catches on rather quickly - most of the information she heard during trial, and the remaining information falls into its place.]
...I don't think you should feel bad, Chijin... a lot of us were ready to help if we could. [Even though probably none of them could stop Hua Cheng half as well as Xie Lian could.]
Still... why would a Leader give that kind of a power to somebody? Elsa-sama said they're trying to redirect the effects of whatever is taking all the Nova, but... how would a power like that be helpful to anyone but somebody that wants a distraction?
he holds up a hand, voice gentle. ] ...I cannot tell you any more than that, for the safety of all of us. Ask me about it on Monday, alright? We must be careful.
[ he shakes his head, giving her a small, apologetic smile. ]
It's alright. I can only confirm that much for you - and that what you are thinking, I have thought the same about you for a little while now.
[ and that's the end of that. just to be careful! ]
...But, as you said: there is certainly a larger problem at hand. That, unfortunately, doesn't mean that the one of the violence that we have experienced will stop, though. In fact, I am almost positive it will not.
She flushes a little. It just makes the red mark on her face light up like a Christmas tree. It's kind of funny.]
I... n-no, Chijin, um... it's okay, that's not why I asked. Please don't take that the wrong way.
I don't know if it was just one team that was affected or not, but... whatever it was, I didn't see it the first week. And I don't... really know what to think about it out loud.
[She nods, opening her mouth...... and rapidly thinking better of it, holds out her hands placatingly as though to tell Xie Lian to stay where he is.
She then takes several steps away, until she knows she can't feel him react, keeping her eyes on the ground. If she can't seen and she can't feel, then she can't know, and she can only guess.]
Don't respond, okay? I won't look. But I haven't told anybody this week, so... I'm still okay to tell somebody. And I... trust you a lot, Chijin. [POINTEDLY NOT LOOKING AT HIM STILL]
[She is still not looking at him as though she is very aware the risk she just took.]
I don't want you to right now. You... don't have to, at all.
If it helps us learn more, though, I... want you to know now, just... just in case. Maybe what happened on the PHS has nothing to do with anything, but...
[ the irony that i was writing this tag right after that mod announcement popped up ]
...Please be very careful, alright? Not just with how you may share this information, but also when, and what exactly you share. Someone could easily use things against you, if they had malicious intents... and you could serve to harm yourself, as well.
But I will hold onto this knowledge, for you. It is safe with me.
[ when she returns back into his space, hikaru is greeted with the simple calmness of xie lian's emotions, under perfect control. he's had many years to cultivate his thick face, after all.
he gives her a small smile. ] ...By the way, I don't think that they're lying to us. Or - if they are, I think there are reasons for it - and that not all of them are lying. I think the answer is much more complicated than that, but I don't know if I really understand many of the parts.
[ xie lian laughs, quietly. ] ...Either way, I hope that helped to answer at least a few of your questions.
[ he's quiet, just for a moment, expression shifting into a frown. ]
...Mm. I just... [ it was probably very obvious, and some of that reflects in his emotions - that same faint, quiet displeasure. ] ...I was very worried about San Lang and Claude.
I know they both can get a little harsh when they're angry. But they're both really smart. I think they know not to do something like that in the middle of something so important, even if they are angry. Especially Nii-chan.
I'm just glad nobody got really hurt. [read: claude didn't get his skull bashed thank christ]
[ hikaru says that, but... a part of xie lian worries, for what would happen if someone attacked him. he won't admit it out loud, and certainly not to hikaru, but...
he knows who san lang is. he knows what he is capable of - what rumors in the heavens are true, and which are not. he is capable of great, and terrible violence, and xie lian loves that he chooses not to be. but he isn't unaware of how much hua cheng cares for him, either.
what would he have done, if he wasn't there to stop him?
and worse... if it was xie lian, dead, what would hua cheng do?
luckily, that wasn't the case. she is right, and xie lian gives her a small smile. ] I am too. That, more than anything, is what matters.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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he's not really happy about it, but he bites his tongue. ]
...Very well, Hikaru. I will only caution you this; the burdens that you carry by yourself are akin to an ocean. While sometimes, swimming against that current will prove fruitful, and you will continue to struggle forward... the moment that you lapse in it, the current will pull you under. It may only be for a moment, but it will tire you, each time, over and over, until you lack the strength to pull yourself up again.
[ the wisdom to his words comes from his own experiences. eight hundred years of solitude, and five years of unspeakable horror before that - xie lian is deeply in tune with what it means to suffer, alone.
but since hikaru wants him to move on, with that word of advice, he will respect her wishes. ] ...As for San Lang, I believe he may have been targeted this week by some sort of ability, instead of an item.
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She has made her choice, to push back up... and her anger forces her back into focus.]
What kind of ability? I thought no one could remember how to do special things, except for the Leaders...
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but, he looks away, as she starts to refocus, and looks outwards, instead, measured calm. a heart as still as water. ] ...I think that it is one that may have been gifted to someone by a Leader, in order to carry out an act this week. I don't know if it was Shima, or another party.
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[That. Wasn't what she was expecting to hear, and it knocks the wind from her angry little sails from a moment.]
I... why, though? They said they can't give us anything. And to make people argue like that... it doesn't help anything. If it was Shima-kun, and he didn't want to be caught... why choose Claude and Hua-Chan?
Are... you thinking that they're lying to us?
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[ he doesn't say this meanly, or anything, because it is a lot to process. there's a lot going on with such a weighty set of words, so.
xie lian picks a place to start from, choosing his words carefully. ] ...What you said, that it doesn't help anything - I think that is the crux of it.
I have a theory as to why. On Monday of this week, when we were first introduced to this port, San Lang stepped up and attracted a lot of attention by starting to organize relating to the trial. He has taken a central role in the trials since that first week, helping out with body checks - he is also confident, and unafraid to say what he thinks. [ xie lian your gay is showing
anyway. ] If someone was planning to murder someone else, they would most likely want to avoid being caught, correct? And we all, that day, were talking about ways to prevent such a thing from happening, with San Lang leading the charge.
Moving forward, San Lang started acting oddly towards Claude on Wednesday morning; I noticed it almost right away, and when I went to confirm with Claude, it was much of the same. Neither of them could explain it, nor pinpoint a cause, and the mere mention of the other's name would send them both into fury. I initially thought it may have been related to an item, but as you saw today, it has carried on for some time, beyond the limits of the gemstones we were given.
So, my initial theory was that San Lang was being targeted by someone else, simply because he is so capable. But... if the case was only to trouble San Lang, then would I not have been the better choice as the second recipient of this odd affliction? It would have surely caused him agony, to suddenly hate me, both during the week of, and in the after effects, and it would have caused me great suffering as well, which would have certainly been a way to generate nova.
On the other hand... much like San Lang, Claude is very clever, and outspoken, as well. He has had several brilliant theories, and often helps us gather our thoughts together in these trials themselves. Having him incapacitated as a helping hand, along with San Lang, could hurt us in the long run.
So, if we move the theory to thinking that whoever did this wanted to cause a distraction, things start to make more sense. The two of them snapped at each other enough to cause little distractions early on, and I was quick to try and stop it - and your help was appreciated as well [ he gives her a little smile, briefly ] - but, each time that they argued, people's heads would turn. It culminated during the body check, and was an immediate distraction before things even began. When we get distracted, we miss things; even simple ones.
[ like shima's fucking leg.
a beat, as he lets that settle in. ]
I think that the person who did it chose them for that exact reason - to sow seeds of discord. The reason they didn't pick me as the second recipient makes more sense, when you think of it that way - I wouldn't have argued. San Lang can be childish, sometimes -- [ there is, in fact a reason that he gets on so well with claude in the first place, and it is because they are cut from the exact same cloth. it's actually why xie lian really likes claude, too. ] --and I have more patience than him and Claude combined.
But, by picking Claude, I think the person who did it was almost guaranteeing that there would be some sort of a scene. And they were right.
[ here, he sighs. ] ...I didn't catch them quite fast enough. I was trying to get dried off from our investigation, when it started, so I wasn't able to stop it, quite in time... I'm glad we handled it when we did, but I had anticipated that it was coming, and I was not wrong.
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...I don't think you should feel bad, Chijin... a lot of us were ready to help if we could. [Even though probably none of them could stop Hua Cheng half as well as Xie Lian could.]
Still... why would a Leader give that kind of a power to somebody? Elsa-sama said they're trying to redirect the effects of whatever is taking all the Nova, but... how would a power like that be helpful to anyone but somebody that wants a distraction?
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But... I have heard that it is possible that Leaders regain some of their memories, when someone on their team removes someone from the Realm.
[ xie lian quiets, a little. ] ...So, the motivation may be less focused on the group, and more focused on the self.
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...Chijin...
After the removal for Shuuya, did... anything weird happen on your PHS?
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[ but.
he holds up a hand, voice gentle. ] ...I cannot tell you any more than that, for the safety of all of us. Ask me about it on Monday, alright? We must be careful.
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She squirms a little more... but gives him a nod.]
Sorry.
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It's alright. I can only confirm that much for you - and that what you are thinking, I have thought the same about you for a little while now.
[ and that's the end of that. just to be careful! ]
...But, as you said: there is certainly a larger problem at hand. That, unfortunately, doesn't mean that the one of the violence that we have experienced will stop, though. In fact, I am almost positive it will not.
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[Oh... does he mean teams?
She flushes a little. It just makes the red mark on her face light up like a Christmas tree. It's kind of funny.]
I... n-no, Chijin, um... it's okay, that's not why I asked. Please don't take that the wrong way.
I don't know if it was just one team that was affected or not, but... whatever it was, I didn't see it the first week. And I don't... really know what to think about it out loud.
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[ just confirming. ]
...It was the same for me.
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She then takes several steps away, until she knows she can't feel him react, keeping her eyes on the ground. If she can't seen and she can't feel, then she can't know, and she can only guess.]
Don't respond, okay? I won't look. But I haven't told anybody this week, so... I'm still okay to tell somebody. And I... trust you a lot, Chijin. [POINTEDLY NOT LOOKING AT HIM STILL]
I'm with Goat-san.
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and then he just is not sure whether to laugh, or to cry. hikaru. HIKARU. ]
I see. [ he says. very neutrally. very, very neutral.
and then, he sighs. ]
.....For the sake of my sanity, and your own, please try to be a little more patient.... I am not confirming, or denying, anything at all.
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I don't want you to right now. You... don't have to, at all.
If it helps us learn more, though, I... want you to know now, just... just in case. Maybe what happened on the PHS has nothing to do with anything, but...
...I... want somebody to know.
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[ the irony that i was writing this tag right after that mod announcement popped up ]
...Please be very careful, alright? Not just with how you may share this information, but also when, and what exactly you share. Someone could easily use things against you, if they had malicious intents... and you could serve to harm yourself, as well.
But I will hold onto this knowledge, for you. It is safe with me.
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Only one other person knows, and... you're the only one I've told about the PHS.
[Carefully... turning back to him...]
I'm being careful, Chijin. I promise.
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[ when she returns back into his space, hikaru is greeted with the simple calmness of xie lian's emotions, under perfect control. he's had many years to cultivate his thick face, after all.
he gives her a small smile. ] ...By the way, I don't think that they're lying to us. Or - if they are, I think there are reasons for it - and that not all of them are lying. I think the answer is much more complicated than that, but I don't know if I really understand many of the parts.
[ xie lian laughs, quietly. ] ...Either way, I hope that helped to answer at least a few of your questions.
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M-mm. Thank you, Chijin.
You seemed... really unhappy, during all of that. I just wanted to make sure nothing had happened to you, either.
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...Mm. I just... [ it was probably very obvious, and some of that reflects in his emotions - that same faint, quiet displeasure. ] ...I was very worried about San Lang and Claude.
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I know they both can get a little harsh when they're angry. But they're both really smart. I think they know not to do something like that in the middle of something so important, even if they are angry. Especially Nii-chan.
I'm just glad nobody got really hurt. [read: claude didn't get his skull bashed thank christ]
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he knows who san lang is. he knows what he is capable of - what rumors in the heavens are true, and which are not. he is capable of great, and terrible violence, and xie lian loves that he chooses not to be. but he isn't unaware of how much hua cheng cares for him, either.
what would he have done, if he wasn't there to stop him?
and worse... if it was xie lian, dead, what would hua cheng do?
luckily, that wasn't the case. she is right, and xie lian gives her a small smile. ] I am too. That, more than anything, is what matters.
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I hope they feel normal soon. Seeing them like that, and seeing what it does to everybody, what it does to you...
It makes my heart really hurt.
[Her hands wring against themselves, but she tightens her focus.]
I asked Nii-chan to focus on Izumo-chan tomorrow, if he can. I know they're friends, and I, um... I'm worried about what she might do.
Maybe it will keep Nii-chan away from Hua-chan for a little while longer, too.