[God!! How is he supposed to do that and keep his mask on? But if he refuses, that'll just prove he's not fine. What a dilemma. So after a long pause, he does look at her, with those sad eyes, and he just seems tired.]
Ya shouldn't be worryin' after me when you've lost so much, Hikaru.
[For once, the sound of her name gets her to smile, a smile that's gentle and caring.]
How much we lose doesn't change who we love, or who we want to see protected from hurt. Our hearts remember even if our minds don't. You showed me that.
Schwann lost a lot, he wanted to be dead... but he still wanted me safe. He still let me talk and listen, even if we disagreed. He treated me with dignity and kindness, just like Oji-san... even though he'd lost so much.
[She lifts a hand to his face, to the stubble and rough skin and subtle marks of age that frame a mouth that struggled to smile... of blue eyes that sank forever, regretful and hurt and mourning. Just like Lantis. Just like Eagle. Just like Claude.
...]
You took care of me that whole time, Oji-san. Can't I take care of you, too?
[He slumps a little further where he's sat, deflating a bit. He opens his mouth to say how he wasn't there for her when he should have been, because Schwann gave up and just let himself be killed. But with the second thing she says, he knows she won't have it. And could he really ahve done anything to prevent her death? So all he does is nod.]
{Ah, that's nice. Hand holding. He squeezes hers a little in turn.]
He's the one who gave me the name "Raven." Forgetting I ever met him was why I was just Schwann... Being Raven... it really gave me another chance. Schwann ain't a guy with a future. But Raven... well. at least he has a chance.
[There's a quaver in his voice, just slightly.] So yeah, I suppose you could say he's pretty important.
[Something about what she says puts the final crack in the dam. Yeah, the Don gave him a new life. One that, really, despite all pretenses, belonged to him. And how had Raven repaid that?]
He- [He curls into himself, free hand rising to his face as his voice breaks.]
I forgot that he died. Something that important- If I don't- [Give him a minute, he can't really get his thoughts in order at the moment.]
Her heart nearly breaks in two as she hears him start to crack. To forget someone who changed your life...
...
She keeps one hand gripped against his own, but leans her weight up on her knees to loop her other arm around his shoulders and hold him close, keeping her touch careful as she hugs him as best as she can.
She doesn't speak. She just holds his hand, holds him, until he can find his voice again.]
[He'll need a minute. It was ahuge mess. Harry's tragic mistake. The look on his face when Raven told him there was going to be consequences. The Don's decision. His call for a second, when Raven froze. His last orders.
And then, Alexei's orders. His job was done. He didn't need to be Raven any longer...
He couldn't dwell on that. He'd decided to persist anyway, hadn't he? To let Schwann die and betray the Commandant... He still needed to complete the Don's last orders. Maybe he could die then, but... No, those kids wouldn't let him.]
After everything he did fer me, I wasn't even able ta be there for him in the end. I never repaid him. All I could do was stand there and watch while Yuri did what I oughta have done.
[She holds him a little tighter, stroking his back. Regrets that hurt down to the bone, of things unsaid, of things that should have been done... it really wasn't uncommon among them, was it?]
The Don's grandson Harry was fed some false intel. When he acted on it, long story short, it lead to the death of Belius, the head of the guild Pallestralle, the only guild that equals our Altosk in size and power. [Looks down at his hands.]
The rules of the guild are pretty "eye for an eye," and the leader of a guild takes on the burdens of his guild members... [A soft laugh;] So to pay for Belius' death, we had ta give one in kind. That's why the Don had ta die.
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I'm glad you got one back. You lost a lot of 'em, right?
[Maybe he can distract her!! As he starts to regain some of his false composure.]
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...Yeah. I only remember about a year's worth now. Maybe less. I.... can't tell anymore.
[She squeezes his palm, her voice quiet but steady.]
Oji-san. Can you look at me?
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Ya shouldn't be worryin' after me when you've lost so much, Hikaru.
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How much we lose doesn't change who we love, or who we want to see protected from hurt. Our hearts remember even if our minds don't. You showed me that.
Schwann lost a lot, he wanted to be dead... but he still wanted me safe. He still let me talk and listen, even if we disagreed. He treated me with dignity and kindness, just like Oji-san... even though he'd lost so much.
[She lifts a hand to his face, to the stubble and rough skin and subtle marks of age that frame a mouth that struggled to smile... of blue eyes that sank forever, regretful and hurt and mourning. Just like Lantis. Just like Eagle. Just like Claude.
...]
You took care of me that whole time, Oji-san. Can't I take care of you, too?
no subject
I dunno, I don't think I really did much as far as taking care of ya goes. I ain't no good at that sort of thing.
[A beat.]
But I guess I'm not gonna be able to talk you outta this, am I?
[She is stubborn, after all.]
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[She smoothes the hair against his temple.]
Even if you can't do everything you want to help someone, sometimes what you do try to do is still enough for them.
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... I never told ya about Don Whitehorse, did I?
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No.
Claude said you had a really important person that you had forgotten about, but he didn't say much about them. Only that they were called The Don.
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He's the one who gave me the name "Raven." Forgetting I ever met him was why I was just Schwann... Being Raven... it really gave me another chance. Schwann ain't a guy with a future. But Raven... well. at least he has a chance.
[There's a quaver in his voice, just slightly.]
So yeah, I suppose you could say he's pretty important.
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...He gave you another life of your own, then. [Just like Alexei... but it feels wrong to bring that up right this second.]
Could you tell me about him?
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He-
[He curls into himself, free hand rising to his face as his voice breaks.]
I forgot that he died. Something that important- If I don't-
[Give him a minute, he can't really get his thoughts in order at the moment.]
no subject
Her heart nearly breaks in two as she hears him start to crack. To forget someone who changed your life...
...
She keeps one hand gripped against his own, but leans her weight up on her knees to loop her other arm around his shoulders and hold him close, keeping her touch careful as she hugs him as best as she can.
She doesn't speak. She just holds his hand, holds him, until he can find his voice again.]
no subject
And then, Alexei's orders. His job was done. He didn't need to be Raven any longer...
He couldn't dwell on that. He'd decided to persist anyway, hadn't he? To let Schwann die and betray the Commandant... He still needed to complete the Don's last orders. Maybe he could die then, but... No, those kids wouldn't let him.]
After everything he did fer me, I wasn't even able ta be there for him in the end. I never repaid him. All I could do was stand there and watch while Yuri did what I oughta have done.
no subject
...What happened?
no subject
The Don's grandson Harry was fed some false intel. When he acted on it, long story short, it lead to the death of Belius, the head of the guild Pallestralle, the only guild that equals our Altosk in size and power.
[Looks down at his hands.]
The rules of the guild are pretty "eye for an eye," and the leader of a guild takes on the burdens of his guild members... [A soft laugh;] So to pay for Belius' death, we had ta give one in kind. That's why the Don had ta die.