[ Thankfully, Vezda is built like a fucking brick shithouse, so he barely stumbles when she walks into him. He does, however, blink in surprise at her. ]
Whoa, you okay?
...what happened to your hair? You had more hair before, didn't you?
[She'll nod, waving her hands in what is hopefully a placating manner. Ugh her toast... sorry Vesda, she is going to... eat this... piece of bread as she proceeds.
She taps on her throat with her fingers, shaking her head, then makes a motion with her index and middle finger near the back of her head, like scissors.]
[She nods to the first, and shakes her head to the second. Hmmph hmm.... sticking the toast back in her mouth so she can fumble for her PHS because texting is hard.]
hua chan cut it for me
if you arent busy vesda san can we talk for a minute
[ Frankly, he only met Kano once before that trial and found nothing inconsistent in his behavior. Vezda just assumed he was a colossal asshole until he was declared innocent. Then he was still an asshole, just a very baffling one. ]
[She'll let out a deep breath, gesturing for him to like. sit down somewhere please can we not have this conversation standing in the middle of the dining room...
anyway. she will position a chair next to his so that he can see her type in real time, instead of waiting for her]
i wasnt lying about what my item did
when i saw some of the evidence that had been brought back and saw how difficult shuuya kun was being i was really worried that he was going to just not defend himself at all
he has a hard time just working with other people and its for reasons he cant talk about
but i didnt know that at the time and even though i trusted him i got really frightened
i used it about half an hour in thinking it would help him not to feel so angry and maybe cooperate a little easier. it just made him suffer. being kind for him isnt easy because he wants to be alone and he knew the thoughts werent his, because the stone doesnt force you to be nice it just makes you WANT to be nice
he fought against it the whole trial and was miserable the entire time and he couldnt even say what he wanted how he wanted the night before he died. he wasnt himself again until he was with jeanne san
[ The benefit of reading as she types is that Hikaru gets real-time feedback on what she writes, exactly as she writes it!! Once she writes the word 'cooperate', he tenses in his seat and his fists are clenched hard enough to make the knuckles go white. ]
Holy shit. Holy shit.
[ Is it brainwashing if it doesn't control you, but just makes you want to behave a certain way?
He thinks back to the second week and decides, yes. It's not the same. But it's still an alien force inside your head trying to puppeteer you against your will.
"He wasn't himself again until he was with Jeanne-san." Vezda stands so forcefully his chair is knocked over. He presses his fists against his face and then, eventually, starts pacing around the room. He needs to move. ]
You--you...Christ!
You did that to him? To make him comply?! Do you have any idea what you did?!
[There's enough holes in her memory that she can't say whether she's been in front of such a violent reaction before. As it stands, she winces harshly on herself when the chair is knocked over, shoulders only barely evening out as he paces the floor, as he yells. It's not new words, not an unexpected reaction. But the guilt of it still stings fresh.
There's a lot she wants to say. But she can't.
All she can do is wait, nodding mutely, stone silent until he chooses to come back over, or until he decides he has more of his mind that he needs to unload.]
[ It's the look on her face that finally gets him to think past his kneejerk reaction. They can't feel each other's feelings anymore, but at the trial, she felt guilty. And she sure as hell looks like it right now.
She definitely understands the gravity of what she did. She doesn't need Vezda screaming things she already knows at her.
And, well, to be honest--he hates making people flinch outside of combat like that. He hates the reminder that he's (rightfully) seen as some kind of violent machine that could cut loose at any second.
He swallows around the tennis ball in his throat and slumps onto a couch across the room, leaning forward with his head in his hands as he just. Forces himself to breathe. ]
[She just offers a weak smile, not reaching her eyes. It's fine dude she deserves it.
She still can't talk, and even for as hardy a girl as she is in character, his outburst still has rattled her a tiny bit. But she'll still force her way to her feet, slowly crossing to him and crouching down next to him, staying on the floor.
You feel bad about it. I know you do, because I felt it at the trial. You already know what you did was wrong, so you're not gonna do it again. Me blowing up at you wouldn't change anything but make it even worse.
[ He falls silent, looking at the hands dangling from his lap, deep in thought...before he makes a decision. He sighs. ]
I spent...a very long time being brainwashed myself. Alright? I'd just...get my brain scrambled until I didn't even know I was doing something I wouldn't want to do. Over and over, for decades.
The people who did that to me? They never learned. They never saw anything wrong with it. And they'd do it again--hell, I know they have. I'm angry at them, and people like them, and everything I do now is about stopping them by any means necessary. Because they deserve it, and if I don't, they'll just keep doing it.
But you? You made a mistake, but you learned from it. If I chewed you out for that, I'd be nothing but a hypocrite.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
heartablaze) wrote2020-09-14 09:59 pm
no subject
Whoa, you okay?
...what happened to your hair? You had more hair before, didn't you?
no subject
She taps on her throat with her fingers, shaking her head, then makes a motion with her index and middle finger near the back of her head, like scissors.]
no subject
no subject
hua chan cut it for me
if you arent busy vesda san can we talk for a minute
no subject
Alright, sure. What do you need?
no subject
i owe you an explaination from the trial if thats okay
about my item and when i used it
you can ask whatever you want
no subject
I told you. You don't have to explain anything to me if you don't want to. It didn't end up being relevant in the trial, so I don't need to know.
no subject
but it should have been during the last one
no subject
Really? How?
no subject
you remember shuuya-kun was acting a lot weirder than usual right
that a lot of people thought he was suspicious or annoying or uncooperative
only part of it was genuine
the rest of it was because of me
no subject
Why? What happened?
no subject
anyway. she will position a chair next to his so that he can see her type in real time, instead of waiting for her]
i wasnt lying about what my item did
when i saw some of the evidence that had been brought back and saw how difficult shuuya kun was being i was really worried that he was going to just not defend himself at all
he has a hard time just working with other people and its for reasons he cant talk about
but i didnt know that at the time and even though i trusted him i got really frightened
i used it about half an hour in thinking it would help him not to feel so angry and maybe cooperate a little easier. it just made him suffer. being kind for him isnt easy because he wants to be alone and he knew the thoughts werent his, because the stone doesnt force you to be nice it just makes you WANT to be nice
he fought against it the whole trial and was miserable the entire time and he couldnt even say what he wanted how he wanted the night before he died. he wasnt himself again until he was with jeanne san
no subject
Holy shit. Holy shit.
[ Is it brainwashing if it doesn't control you, but just makes you want to behave a certain way?
He thinks back to the second week and decides, yes. It's not the same. But it's still an alien force inside your head trying to puppeteer you against your will.
"He wasn't himself again until he was with Jeanne-san." Vezda stands so forcefully his chair is knocked over. He presses his fists against his face and then, eventually, starts pacing around the room. He needs to move. ]
You--you...Christ!
You did that to him? To make him comply?! Do you have any idea what you did?!
no subject
There's a lot she wants to say. But she can't.
All she can do is wait, nodding mutely, stone silent until he chooses to come back over, or until he decides he has more of his mind that he needs to unload.]
no subject
She definitely understands the gravity of what she did. She doesn't need Vezda screaming things she already knows at her.
And, well, to be honest--he hates making people flinch outside of combat like that. He hates the reminder that he's (rightfully) seen as some kind of violent machine that could cut loose at any second.
He swallows around the tennis ball in his throat and slumps onto a couch across the room, leaning forward with his head in his hands as he just. Forces himself to breathe. ]
...I'm not gonna lay into you.
...At least, not any more than I already have.
no subject
She still can't talk, and even for as hardy a girl as she is in character, his outburst still has rattled her a tiny bit. But she'll still force her way to her feet, slowly crossing to him and crouching down next to him, staying on the floor.
It's okay, she mouths.]
no subject
What, you want me to get mad at you? You want me to tell you you're a horrible person?
no subject
is it what you think i deserve to hear
because if thats the case i think you deserve a chance to speak
1/2
Then listen up.
You feel bad about it. I know you do, because I felt it at the trial. You already know what you did was wrong, so you're not gonna do it again. Me blowing up at you wouldn't change anything but make it even worse.
no subject
I spent...a very long time being brainwashed myself. Alright? I'd just...get my brain scrambled until I didn't even know I was doing something I wouldn't want to do. Over and over, for decades.
The people who did that to me? They never learned. They never saw anything wrong with it. And they'd do it again--hell, I know they have. I'm angry at them, and people like them, and everything I do now is about stopping them by any means necessary. Because they deserve it, and if I don't, they'll just keep doing it.
But you? You made a mistake, but you learned from it. If I chewed you out for that, I'd be nothing but a hypocrite.