One person can't suffer so much for so long and have it be okay, no matter how kind a person they are.
[Her hands stay carefully in her lap.]
I know it's something that you might not regret, or might not feel badly about. You wanted what was best.
That doesn't make it alright for you to have done it alone, or for you to have to suffer. Even if it was better for you to take it than anyone else... that cruelty shouldn't have been put on you in the first place.
acting very oddly. xie lian's glad for it, kind of, if only because he would like to just ignore that the both of them saw that forever, but...
he pauses, bites the inside of his cheek, and responds to her. ] ...Mn. It is the responsibility of the royalty, to care for the people. Whether I wanted the best or otherwise - I lived with the consequences of what happened, and still do.
Yeah, I'm okay. [Plainly, very calmly.] A little... confused, I guess.
I feel like I should be... sadder. Angrier, maybe. For you. It's not that I'm not. I see this, and think about everything you felt, and my heart feels like it might just burst. But...
[Mmm. She takes a moment, and then shrugs very gently.]
Mn. Can we talk a little when we're done? I had a question I wanted to ask, if it's okay.
[She'll nod pleasantly, her own smile genuine as she reaches for where her sword has been laid out, carefully drawing it up and unaware of the distortion that she breaks with the tilt of her blade in the process.
it's not a painless memory, and the reminder of the wounds and the hand around her neck still get her to pause, to flinch very subtly. But otherwise she lets the moment pass, that same passive look on her face as she observes, her brows furrowing the more that goes on.
[ this lack of reaction from someone who is quite possibly the most emotional person xie lian has ever met sure is something!!!!
anyway. the thing that feels the most intrusive about these memories is the way they just seem to put you in that person's shoes. for xie lian, coming out of it, he can still feel the adrenaline that licks down his spine, can feel hikaru's despair, her courage, the way she was pushed to her limit -
...he exhales, in a whoosh of air, blinking at the space in front of him. ] Miss...
[Her smile grows a little. There's a genuine sense of pride there, of determination. She remembers that much, after all.]
Sorry. I know parts of it don't make a lot of sense. Rafaga wasn't a bad person. He even came to help me, in the future. All he wanted was Emeraude to be safe, and that got used against him.
I wish I remembered why I was so mad at him, but... I guess it was enough for the Mashin, to watch me fight.
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She should... feel more than this, at something so sad. Shouldn't she?
...
Mm. Maybe not.]
You don't need to worry about it, Chijin.
You suffered a lot for their sake, didn't you? Did they ever really know what you went through?
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...Mm, no. [ because most of them were dead, a voice whispers in the back of his mind. xie lian ignores it. ] ...That's alright, though.
[ because ultimately, his suffering was that - his own. he never blamed the people of xian le, for their terror. their fright.
there was only one person who deserved that blame. deserves it, wherever he is. ]
no subject
One person can't suffer so much for so long and have it be okay, no matter how kind a person they are.
[Her hands stay carefully in her lap.]
I know it's something that you might not regret, or might not feel badly about. You wanted what was best.
That doesn't make it alright for you to have done it alone, or for you to have to suffer. Even if it was better for you to take it than anyone else... that cruelty shouldn't have been put on you in the first place.
no subject
acting very oddly. xie lian's glad for it, kind of, if only because he would like to just ignore that the both of them saw that forever, but...
he pauses, bites the inside of his cheek, and responds to her. ] ...Mn. It is the responsibility of the royalty, to care for the people. Whether I wanted the best or otherwise - I lived with the consequences of what happened, and still do.
[ ... ] ...meimei. Are you feeling alright?
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I feel like I should be... sadder. Angrier, maybe. For you. It's not that I'm not. I see this, and think about everything you felt, and my heart feels like it might just burst. But...
[Mmm. She takes a moment, and then shrugs very gently.]
Maybe I just need something to eat.
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xie lian's danger senses twist like a knife. ]
....When did this start, meimei? Has it been like this since you woke up on Monday?
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[She doesn't seem too concerned.]
I'm okay, I promise.
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...then. Come, let's go get something to eat, shall we? I'm feeling a little hungry, too.
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[She'll nod pleasantly, her own smile genuine as she reaches for where her sword has been laid out, carefully drawing it up and unaware of the distortion that she breaks with the tilt of her blade in the process.
it's not a painless memory, and the reminder of the wounds and the hand around her neck still get her to pause, to flinch very subtly. But otherwise she lets the moment pass, that same passive look on her face as she observes, her brows furrowing the more that goes on.
...]
Mmn. That must have been mine.
no subject
anyway. the thing that feels the most intrusive about these memories is the way they just seem to put you in that person's shoes. for xie lian, coming out of it, he can still feel the adrenaline that licks down his spine, can feel hikaru's despair, her courage, the way she was pushed to her limit -
...he exhales, in a whoosh of air, blinking at the space in front of him. ] Miss...
[ ... ] ...Meimei... [ wow. ]
no subject
[Her smile grows a little. There's a genuine sense of pride there, of determination. She remembers that much, after all.]
Sorry. I know parts of it don't make a lot of sense. Rafaga wasn't a bad person. He even came to help me, in the future. All he wanted was Emeraude to be safe, and that got used against him.
I wish I remembered why I was so mad at him, but... I guess it was enough for the Mashin, to watch me fight.