[ the flowers... that's right. the ones that are still alive are still in his room, in a glass jar in water. for the second time, he's affected by hikaru's kindness - and when she hugs him, he returns the favor, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing tight.
(he couldn't, the week she was dying. she was so scared, and xie lian couldn't answer her prayers, couldn't take her pain, couldn't even hug her and comfort her - he could do nothing.)
there's quiet before he responds, really, just taking that in. ]
...It takes much more than that to break me, Miss Hikaru. I have seen much worse. [ THE NORMAL AMOUNT OF (EMOTIONAL) PAIN IS ZERO, XIE LIAN,
anyway. it was a little funny - the realm took many of xie lian's memories, comparatively more when it comes to other participants - but the tragedies that he experienced never left him. only the little successes did. only the important information, that he now holds onto tightly, clinging to every shred of hope he has.
but what he says is true. the world has broken xie lian once, to the point of almost no repair, and here, he still stands. ]
....It is the kindnesses of others that I have always been able to remember. Even when the ones from my own world disappeared along with my memories -- [ a festival with three thousand lanterns shining. a ride on an ox cart. his mother's smile. ] -- I had many little kindnesses shown to me that lit the way along the path to where we have arrived.
Kindnesses like yours. [ xie lian pulls back a little to look at her properly. his expression is soft, a little far away, but it's genuine, too, and he squeezes her shoulders. ] Thank you.
[Her eyes cloud a little, with understanding and just a little bit of hurt as she lifts her hands to rest against the sides of his face very loosely, a gentle attempt to keep his attention off the ground.]
Pain is pain, Chijin. Even if it's pain you felt before... when you love someone dearly, it doesn't matter. Nobody in the entire world wants to see the people they love bearing so much, even if they now they can do it.
To want to spare someone from pain, to want to support them, to want to let them not be alone through what they have to do, even if it's impossible... that's not the same as calling them incapable. That's just love.
he lets hikaru take his face like that, though, and he smiles at her when she does, touched by her kindness and sweetness, even now. ]
...If that is the lesson that I've taught you, then I'm glad, Miss Hikaru. You are truly a one of a kind young lady - it has been an honor to get to know you the way that I have.
I don't mean to say that it was not painful. Rather, I am glad that the task I had fell to me - I am thankful for the people that I was able to save. It meant a lot to many people. And...it meant a lot to Lessa, too.
[Still, she lets her smile settle, looking over her beloved friend with fondness.]
Please don't forget about that feeling, Chijin. To be thankful, and to know how much people care about your triumphs, regardless of the mistakes. All of it is Chijin. All of it is worth remembering exactly how it should be - as a god, as a good man, who only wanted to help the people.
Even if those people don't always understand or agree with you... I don't think anyone here could truly feel regret, or feel unheard, or feel alone, for having someone as kind as you watching over us all this time. [She brings her hands to her chest.] Believe in us until the end.
[ and being able to be the one to help him, with the others - that meant the world to xie lian. to finally be able to pay back all of the kindnesses that lessa gave him, to finally be able to help him, too.
but! he listens to hikaru's little protagonist speech, small smile remaining on his face, and nods into her hands. xie lian takes the words to heart. ]
...I really don't have any believers of my own, besides San Lang. So... it is nice, to hear such things. It's been a long time.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
(he couldn't, the week she was dying. she was so scared, and xie lian couldn't answer her prayers, couldn't take her pain, couldn't even hug her and comfort her - he could do nothing.)
there's quiet before he responds, really, just taking that in. ]
...It takes much more than that to break me, Miss Hikaru. I have seen much worse. [ THE NORMAL AMOUNT OF (EMOTIONAL) PAIN IS ZERO, XIE LIAN,
anyway. it was a little funny - the realm took many of xie lian's memories, comparatively more when it comes to other participants - but the tragedies that he experienced never left him. only the little successes did. only the important information, that he now holds onto tightly, clinging to every shred of hope he has.
but what he says is true. the world has broken xie lian once, to the point of almost no repair, and here, he still stands. ]
....It is the kindnesses of others that I have always been able to remember. Even when the ones from my own world disappeared along with my memories -- [ a festival with three thousand lanterns shining. a ride on an ox cart. his mother's smile. ] -- I had many little kindnesses shown to me that lit the way along the path to where we have arrived.
Kindnesses like yours. [ xie lian pulls back a little to look at her properly. his expression is soft, a little far away, but it's genuine, too, and he squeezes her shoulders. ] Thank you.
no subject
Pain is pain, Chijin. Even if it's pain you felt before... when you love someone dearly, it doesn't matter. Nobody in the entire world wants to see the people they love bearing so much, even if they now they can do it.
To want to spare someone from pain, to want to support them, to want to let them not be alone through what they have to do, even if it's impossible... that's not the same as calling them incapable. That's just love.
You taught me as much, didn't you?
no subject
he lets hikaru take his face like that, though, and he smiles at her when she does, touched by her kindness and sweetness, even now. ]
...If that is the lesson that I've taught you, then I'm glad, Miss Hikaru. You are truly a one of a kind young lady - it has been an honor to get to know you the way that I have.
I don't mean to say that it was not painful. Rather, I am glad that the task I had fell to me - I am thankful for the people that I was able to save. It meant a lot to many people. And...it meant a lot to Lessa, too.
no subject
"Lessa"?
[She just kind of blinks.
whomst]
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he smiles, now, soft and happy. ]
That's Brother Goat's true name. I learned it this week.
1/2
/2
Please don't forget about that feeling, Chijin. To be thankful, and to know how much people care about your triumphs, regardless of the mistakes. All of it is Chijin. All of it is worth remembering exactly how it should be - as a god, as a good man, who only wanted to help the people.
Even if those people don't always understand or agree with you... I don't think anyone here could truly feel regret, or feel unheard, or feel alone, for having someone as kind as you watching over us all this time. [She brings her hands to her chest.] Believe in us until the end.
no subject
[ and being able to be the one to help him, with the others - that meant the world to xie lian. to finally be able to pay back all of the kindnesses that lessa gave him, to finally be able to help him, too.
but! he listens to hikaru's little protagonist speech, small smile remaining on his face, and nods into her hands. xie lian takes the words to heart. ]
...I really don't have any believers of my own, besides San Lang. So... it is nice, to hear such things. It's been a long time.