[She takes the PHS back, staring down at the picture like maybe that'll get her back on her feet and looking faster.]
I don't know. He's mean, and he plays with words a lot. He doesn't ever wanna tell the truth, because he says nobody will ever wanna hear him be truthful, but...
I... think he really, truly hates himself, Hansa-san. It hurts, to see him smile and have it not be real at all.
He's hurting deep down, and he's angry, and I think he believes that is the only way he can be. He wants to drown in his own despair. It's...sad to see.
[He reaches out to grab her by the shoulder in case she wobbles again.]
I understand you want to help. But pushing yourself past the brink is not the way to go. You're doing a good thing. But do a good thing for yourself too, and get some rest. You can help him better with a sound mind instead of a tired one.
...Haha, it's okay. Sometimes the sun's like that. But a bed is where you need to be. You're just going to get earthworms in your hair if you stay out here. I'm sure you don't want that, hm?
Well, I like to do something quiet. If your brain is keeping you up with all your worries, no wonder you can't get good sleep. You then read a little, or try to think of something nice.
[She huffs, momentarily looking like she's about to burst into angry tears.]
I do sleep, Hansa-san. I just don't feel any better when I wake up... I go to sleep, and I stay asleep, and then I get up and I just feel like nothing happened...
It was just a little bit a... a couple days ago, like maybe I just slept funny, but I...
[hansa help did she forget how to sleep ):
Her fists curl into her lap as she tries to sit herself up.]
-- I don't care how tired I am... I just really, really want to find Nico-kun. Even if he doesn't want to talk to me or if he throws a stupid cactus at me, I don't care...
[She shakes her head, wiping her wrist at her eyes because sorry Hansa she is crying just a tiny bit. Small tears it's fine she's trying to hide it.
Her temperature is perfectly fine! Other than her raccoon eyes, she looks like she should be feeling just fine.]
I... I felt okay on that day I talked to everyone in the dining hall... Monday, I think? But that's... that's the last time I think I wasn't... um... tired...
[how many days ago was that? she can't even remember at this point.]
[Oh no. Hansa, admittedly feeling a little helpless, makes a decision - he reaches forward, pulling her into an embrace.]
Hey, hey. It's going to be okay. [He's rubbing her back, now, trying to think. If not illness, then what else has been causing people to feel tired? He shakes his head.] Tell me, Hikaru...do you know who you're bound to?
[She takes a second to pull herself together, though she's basically a ragdoll against Hansa's arms. He is warm and she just wants to sleep for the rest of her life right this second...
She sniffs, rubbing her face with both hands, trying to keep herself awake for a little longer.]
I... I don't know what that means, Hansa-san, I'm sorry...
You said that before, and I... um... was there a rule I missed?
[She can't see it but he's looking at the camera like on the office, now.]
Remember last week, where we were all hugging and stuff whenever we were near each other? Now think about you chasing after Kano. Don't you feel there's something drawing you towards him? Like the both of you are magnets.
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heartablaze) wrote2020-09-09 11:59 pm
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I don't know. He's mean, and he plays with words a lot. He doesn't ever wanna tell the truth, because he says nobody will ever wanna hear him be truthful, but...
I... think he really, truly hates himself, Hansa-san. It hurts, to see him smile and have it not be real at all.
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[He's not surprised one bit.]
He's hurting deep down, and he's angry, and I think he believes that is the only way he can be. He wants to drown in his own despair. It's...sad to see.
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[She wobbles a little, catching herself again as though she's drifting off to sleep mid-thought.]
...I just don't know what I can do.
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I understand you want to help. But pushing yourself past the brink is not the way to go. You're doing a good thing. But do a good thing for yourself too, and get some rest. You can help him better with a sound mind instead of a tired one.
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[though it's sincere, she sounds almost frustrated... what do you even do when you sleep and sleep and never feel like it helps?]
I'll try not to fall asleep in the grass, Hansa-san... I know that's kind of silly. It was just nice and warm out in the sun...
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[Come on Hikaru....please rest..........]
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That frustration just builds on her face, silencing her for a long moment.]
What do you do when, um... being in bed doesn't help?
Sleep is supposed to make you feel better, right...? Not worse?
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Listening to a lullaby is good, too.
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[She huffs, momentarily looking like she's about to burst into angry tears.]
I do sleep, Hansa-san. I just don't feel any better when I wake up... I go to sleep, and I stay asleep, and then I get up and I just feel like nothing happened...
It was just a little bit a... a couple days ago, like maybe I just slept funny, but I...
[hansa help did she forget how to sleep ):
Her fists curl into her lap as she tries to sit herself up.]
-- I don't care how tired I am... I just really, really want to find Nico-kun. Even if he doesn't want to talk to me or if he throws a stupid cactus at me, I don't care...
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[That's...different from worries keeping you awake, from the sounds of it.]
[He frowns.]
So not a single bit of sleep refreshes you? [He reaches forward to put a hand against her forehead, to feel temperature.] You're not sick, are you?
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Her temperature is perfectly fine! Other than her raccoon eyes, she looks like she should be feeling just fine.]
I... I felt okay on that day I talked to everyone in the dining hall... Monday, I think? But that's... that's the last time I think I wasn't... um... tired...
[how many days ago was that? she can't even remember at this point.]
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Hey, hey. It's going to be okay. [He's rubbing her back, now, trying to think. If not illness, then what else has been causing people to feel tired? He shakes his head.] Tell me, Hikaru...do you know who you're bound to?
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She sniffs, rubbing her face with both hands, trying to keep herself awake for a little longer.]
I... I don't know what that means, Hansa-san, I'm sorry...
You said that before, and I... um... was there a rule I missed?
[there was not, says the narrator]
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[She can't see it but he's looking at the camera like on the office, now.]
Remember last week, where we were all hugging and stuff whenever we were near each other? Now think about you chasing after Kano. Don't you feel there's something drawing you towards him? Like the both of you are magnets.
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doesn't help because she just likes hugging people anyway???]
I... thought hugging was normal??
[Kano-whomst-- no, she knows who he means.]
I'm just worried about him... and I've... I've been trying to find him, but...
Worry like that... that's normal, too, right? To wanna talk to a person that you know might need your help?