Another long pause, the sound of movement from the other side of the door, before it slowly opens. Hikaru is still in her pajamas, eyes red and swollen, face stone cold with an exhausted anger that flickers vibrantly behind her eyes.]
[And here she is. He stares back at her, his gaze steady and strong, not at all intimidated by the anger that he can almost feel burning in her eyes.]
...Because when I was around your age, even younger, I lost my entire family in a terrible tragedy. I lived in the mountains by myself for a long while. And for that entire time, I was alone.
[He glances down at the space between them.]
Some nights, I would think, "won't someone come and listen to me?" But I knew that wouldn't happen. There were monsters out in that world, and I was afraid, and I just wanted to be on my own. It was only when Bishop Dilo came out and found me, a wild child in the middle of the wilderness and asked about who I was, and what I had been through, that I realized what I was missing.
[He looks back up at her again. His gaze seems more strong than ever.]
[Her fingers grip at the door, her temper dulling in favor of something tired and regretful.]
It's... okay. People are always gonna worry because I'm young, right? But... I think, at least a little, everyone is really hurting from what happened. It's not like this is a hurt that only I'm feeling.
I don't want to add to that by acting all depressed in front of everyone, you know?
[His mouth twists into a neutral sort of expression - not really a smile, not really a frown.]
We're all hurting. In different ways, of course, but the last thing anyone needs is for each other to shoulder it by ourselves. Grief and hurt and sorrow...are meant to be shared. Else, it'll just consume you.
You had good intentions, Hikaru. Nobody can blame you for that. [A sigh.] But "kind" can mean so many things. His "kind" may not be what you see as "kind" at all. Plus, you did it against his will.
I won't tell you that it's okay, Hikaru, because it isn't. You hurt him. And in a way, you betrayed his trust, even if you were trying to help him. Good intentions are not an excuse.
[He folds his hands, his stare pensive.]
You did wrong. But what matters now is that you know what you did wrong, and you repent, and most importantly, you learn and know never to do something like that again. You hear that, Hikaru?
[That anger comes back, vibrant and vicious, her fists tightening even harder. If she had known it would be against his will, that he would have been so attacked and horrified, she would have never, ever done it. But that, in itself, was just an excuse to make herself feel better, wasn't it?
...
Hikaru doesn't respond. She just nods, her jaw screwing shut.]
[He reaches forward after a long moment, ruffling her hair gently.]
You're a good girl, Hikaru. This one thing doesn't change that fact. And the fact you feel so torn up about it is proof of that, too, okay? Your heart is kind.
I just... didn't want to make this kind of mistake again, Hansa-san. [Her grip hurts - were there not fabric, she surely would be drawing blood from her nails.] I know everyone was upset at him, a-and maybe that's what he wanted, but... [Her voice cracks] Shuuya-kun shouldn't have to die just for being selfish...!
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heartablaze) wrote2020-09-09 11:59 pm
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We can talk about something else besides trial. Something to keep your mind off of it, at least for a little while.
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Another long pause, the sound of movement from the other side of the door, before it slowly opens. Hikaru is still in her pajamas, eyes red and swollen, face stone cold with an exhausted anger that flickers vibrantly behind her eyes.]
Hansa-san, why are you trying to talk to me?
Please be honest.
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...Because when I was around your age, even younger, I lost my entire family in a terrible tragedy. I lived in the mountains by myself for a long while. And for that entire time, I was alone.
[He glances down at the space between them.]
Some nights, I would think, "won't someone come and listen to me?" But I knew that wouldn't happen. There were monsters out in that world, and I was afraid, and I just wanted to be on my own. It was only when Bishop Dilo came out and found me, a wild child in the middle of the wilderness and asked about who I was, and what I had been through, that I realized what I was missing.
[He looks back up at her again. His gaze seems more strong than ever.]
I just don't want you to be alone, Hikaru.
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Hansa-san...
[Her fingers grip at the door, her temper dulling in favor of something tired and regretful.]
It's... okay. People are always gonna worry because I'm young, right? But... I think, at least a little, everyone is really hurting from what happened. It's not like this is a hurt that only I'm feeling.
I don't want to add to that by acting all depressed in front of everyone, you know?
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[His mouth twists into a neutral sort of expression - not really a smile, not really a frown.]
We're all hurting. In different ways, of course, but the last thing anyone needs is for each other to shoulder it by ourselves. Grief and hurt and sorrow...are meant to be shared. Else, it'll just consume you.
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She visibly deflates. She knows he's right, and this isn't the first time in her life she's had this conversation.
...
She stays very quiet, for a long moment, before carefully nodding.]
I... don't know what to do, Hansa-san. I feel like I've made a... a really, really bad mistake.
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[He won't push her - just give her the space she needs to explain.]
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I... got scared and, um...
I did something during trial. Something really stupid. It made him really, really mad.
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[He raises an eyebrow.]
And what was that, Hikaru?
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and pulls out a small red stone.]
I used this on him.
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[He stares down at it.]
And what is its effect?
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[And oh boy did that SURE NOT WORK as intended.]
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[He closes his eye, for a moment.]
You had good intentions, Hikaru. Nobody can blame you for that. [A sigh.] But "kind" can mean so many things. His "kind" may not be what you see as "kind" at all. Plus, you did it against his will.
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He got... really, really mad at me. And he couldn't even say what he wanted...
I hurt him a lot. And now, I... S-shuuya-kun might not have been so awful to talk to if I hadn't...
[Her fists tighten against her clothing.]
I just wanted to help...
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I won't tell you that it's okay, Hikaru, because it isn't. You hurt him. And in a way, you betrayed his trust, even if you were trying to help him. Good intentions are not an excuse.
[He folds his hands, his stare pensive.]
You did wrong. But what matters now is that you know what you did wrong, and you repent, and most importantly, you learn and know never to do something like that again. You hear that, Hikaru?
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...
Hikaru doesn't respond. She just nods, her jaw screwing shut.]
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[He reaches forward after a long moment, ruffling her hair gently.]
You're a good girl, Hikaru. This one thing doesn't change that fact. And the fact you feel so torn up about it is proof of that, too, okay? Your heart is kind.
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I just... didn't want to make this kind of mistake again, Hansa-san. [Her grip hurts - were there not fabric, she surely would be drawing blood from her nails.] I know everyone was upset at him, a-and maybe that's what he wanted, but... [Her voice cracks] Shuuya-kun shouldn't have to die just for being selfish...!
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[Kano didn't deserve to die, no matter how he acted.]
Its unfair. But people jump to conclusions far too quickly. That's just an unfortunate part of humanity, sometimes. And I think Kano understood that.