Depends on if you want the religious context or not. A religious confession is about asking God to forgive you for your transgressions. But if you want to go non-religious, it's about easing the burden on your mind by sharing it with a confidant. Either way, it's meant to help you with any guilt you feel, without worrying about the act of sharing it coming back to haunt you later. I can't promise that whatever is bothering you will be completely solved by talking about it, but I won't tell another soul about what you tell me.
So why not start off with what you want to confess to?
I'm... part of the reason Shuuya-kun was acting weird during the trial. Weirder than usual, I mean. I did something to him. And I... I think that it might be why he couldn't... um...
[Her words drift, hands tightening against her knees.]
[He did not expect to get a real confession out of any of this. But now that Hikaru is here, he will focus and give her his attention. Regardless of how he's affected by this, he's got to stay neutral.
When he speaks, it's with a gentle voice.]
It's normal to feel responsible when someone dies. "I could have done something different" is what many people think. But what is it you did, exactly?
[Her heart twists in her chest, guilt rolling off her in almost palatable waves, but her voice stays a little steadier than one might expect.]
I had an item from the Realm. Like the gem Shigeo-kun used at the execution... One that could change how someone thought for a little while, and make them want to be kinder.
I... was scared, when I saw some of the evidence and... and how he was talking to some people. I really like Shuuya-kun, but... I know he's really cruel and selfish sometimes, and that he has to keep everyone away from him... that he thinks he needs to do stuff on his own, or something horrible will happen.
I... didn't know all that at the time, and I thought... I thought using it would help, but...
I... think it just made everything a lot harder for him...
She'll nod at the first part, though as Shiro rubs at his face, Hikaru's expression tightens.]
I don't know. I don't think it was anything like that, but... he wouldn't tell me. I don't think he could if he wanted to.
I mean, he... he knew what was happening. I talked to him after, and told him, and he got really, really mad that it was me who did it, so... I think he was aware it wasn't his own thoughts. But... I don't think he was covering up for anybody.
I just know he couldn't say everything he wanted to say, and that... that made him look a lot more guilty than I think it should have...
As horrible as this whole little scenario is, it feels... nice. Nice to have someone that is trying to understand, rather than sit her down and scold her over how horrible her decision was.]
...I was the one who didn't bother to ask and know what my item would do to someone, and just assumed. I was the one who told Shuuya-kun I trusted him, that I'd believe in him no matter what, but... I couldn't believe in him enough to let him defend himself without help.
I... I hate everything that happened, and that I was so stupid to think it was right, and now Shuuya-kun... he's gone because of everything that went wrong.
[It aches horribly, down to her bones, and for a moment all she wishes she could do is vanish, or that Shuuya could appear just long enough to smack her across the forehead and call her stupid as many times as he wanted. But unless a miracle happened, he was gone.
...
She swallows dryly.]
...I told Hansa-san about it already. It... wasn't what I wanted to talk to him about today, but... he knows.
Hey, Hikaru. Listen to me: even if your actions played a part in it, that's what they were. A part. You're not wholly responsible, and the burden is not wholly yours.
What happened last week was a culmination of several things going horribly wrong. If you're to blame for using that gemstone on him, then I'm to blame for trying to talk to him. And Kano himself is to blame for being shifty in the first place. And everyone who voted for him is to blame for not realizing what was going on.
I won't say you're wrong to feel guilty, but don't let that guilt consume you, yeah?
That aching inside her just twists further, something that Shiro will definitely feel loud and clear for how close they are to one another.]
I don't... know how to do that, Shiro-san.
The last time I did something this horrible, trying to do good... all I could ever think about was doing whatever I could to help the people that were hurt by my mistakes, even when I had no control over it. I still dream about it.
You take things day by day, one step at a time. It'll hurt a lot at first, it always does. But as time passes and you grow and learn from everything that's happened, it'll hurt less. It might never go away entirely, but it won't trouble your waking thoughts all day.
But if you focus on one step forward at a time, it gets easier.
I think it's true of most gods too, but anyone who is truly sorry for their actions can be forgiven. As long as you feel remorse and try to make amends, nothing is unforgivable.
Unfortunately, forgiveness from others doesn't matter much if you don't forgive yourself first. That's a personal journey those people would have to make.
that, at least, resonates enough that she can't respond to it, understanding coming with another strong pang of guilt. She shrinks back into her seat, nodding as she presses her hands into tighter fists against her knees.]
[He lets the quiet sit between them for a moment, giving Hikaru some time to think. But he can't stay quiet forever, so eventually he speaks up in a gentle voice:]
You need to forgive yourself, Hikaru. Not just for Kano, but for the other things too.
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[She'll approach the chair, though she's hesitant, as though she's not sure what she's supposed to be doing.]
You're... Shiro-san, right?
Are you a holy man, too?
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If you'd rather wait for him I understand, but I can help too. Anything you say here would be confidential.
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...
How do confessions work, Shiro-san? I've never had to do one before.
[Still hovering near the chair and not sitting down.]
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So why not start off with what you want to confess to?
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[She sits herself down, biting at her lip.]
I... um...
...
I'm... part of the reason Shuuya-kun was acting weird during the trial. Weirder than usual, I mean. I did something to him. And I... I think that it might be why he couldn't... um...
[Her words drift, hands tightening against her knees.]
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When he speaks, it's with a gentle voice.]
It's normal to feel responsible when someone dies. "I could have done something different" is what many people think. But what is it you did, exactly?
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I had an item from the Realm. Like the gem Shigeo-kun used at the execution... One that could change how someone thought for a little while, and make them want to be kinder.
I... was scared, when I saw some of the evidence and... and how he was talking to some people. I really like Shuuya-kun, but... I know he's really cruel and selfish sometimes, and that he has to keep everyone away from him... that he thinks he needs to do stuff on his own, or something horrible will happen.
I... didn't know all that at the time, and I thought... I thought using it would help, but...
I... think it just made everything a lot harder for him...
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So...you thought that by, making him kinder, he would open up to people and answer the questions he was being asked? But then it backfired, and...
...
[He's just. Rubbing at his face with his hand.]
So it made him want to protect the murderers, huh?
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She'll nod at the first part, though as Shiro rubs at his face, Hikaru's expression tightens.]
I don't know. I don't think it was anything like that, but... he wouldn't tell me. I don't think he could if he wanted to.
I mean, he... he knew what was happening. I talked to him after, and told him, and he got really, really mad that it was me who did it, so... I think he was aware it wasn't his own thoughts. But... I don't think he was covering up for anybody.
I just know he couldn't say everything he wanted to say, and that... that made him look a lot more guilty than I think it should have...
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[He understands, but boy he wishes it were different.]
That must be a heavy burden on you. No wonder you've been looking so down.
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As horrible as this whole little scenario is, it feels... nice. Nice to have someone that is trying to understand, rather than sit her down and scold her over how horrible her decision was.]
...I was the one who didn't bother to ask and know what my item would do to someone, and just assumed. I was the one who told Shuuya-kun I trusted him, that I'd believe in him no matter what, but... I couldn't believe in him enough to let him defend himself without help.
I... I hate everything that happened, and that I was so stupid to think it was right, and now Shuuya-kun... he's gone because of everything that went wrong.
[It aches horribly, down to her bones, and for a moment all she wishes she could do is vanish, or that Shuuya could appear just long enough to smack her across the forehead and call her stupid as many times as he wanted. But unless a miracle happened, he was gone.
...
She swallows dryly.]
...I told Hansa-san about it already. It... wasn't what I wanted to talk to him about today, but... he knows.
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What happened last week was a culmination of several things going horribly wrong. If you're to blame for using that gemstone on him, then I'm to blame for trying to talk to him. And Kano himself is to blame for being shifty in the first place. And everyone who voted for him is to blame for not realizing what was going on.
I won't say you're wrong to feel guilty, but don't let that guilt consume you, yeah?
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That aching inside her just twists further, something that Shiro will definitely feel loud and clear for how close they are to one another.]
I don't... know how to do that, Shiro-san.
The last time I did something this horrible, trying to do good... all I could ever think about was doing whatever I could to help the people that were hurt by my mistakes, even when I had no control over it. I still dream about it.
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But if you focus on one step forward at a time, it gets easier.
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Does... your god forgive people like me, Shiro-san?
Would they forgive people like Shuuya-kun?
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[haha.... shuuya :(]
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that, at least, resonates enough that she can't respond to it, understanding coming with another strong pang of guilt. She shrinks back into her seat, nodding as she presses her hands into tighter fists against her knees.]
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You need to forgive yourself, Hikaru. Not just for Kano, but for the other things too.