[ How hollow a feeling, to forget who you are. To sit on the edge of everything you've lost, knowing it was there, but seeing nothing but unending darkness. ]
What you wrote down, what you left behind, I'll hold onto them for you.
You asked if you could help me remember Dianxia - I'll help you remember this. Everything you've told me, who you are, who you'll become.
[She swallows, gripping him tighter. It should hurt, but it doesn't. She tastes the blood, but the sting doesn't follow, and her heartache takes its place, sickening and sharp.]
I'm... I don't know who I am. But I'm a Magic Knight... I'm a Magic Knight, keeper of Rayearth... protector of... of... Emeraude, Princess Emeraude... and I killed her with my own hands... because I...
...
[It's all a blur, pieces that she feels fit into place only days ago now disappearing into the back of her mind.]
I... I need to protect Cefiro. I need to... and I'm replacing its Pillar, but I don't... I don't remember why...!
[ For as much as her grip should hurt, it doesn't - and even if it did, he's been through worse, has felt the sheer desperation to hold on to everything that is yours and known. Hua Cheng thinks of a wailing voice, seeking answers until it went raw.
The Realm gets worse and worse. But he slips both arms around her properly again, picking through the gaps to find what goes there, finding the story secure in his memories.]
You told me everything yesterday. You told me about Princess Emeraude, about her heartbreak, about the fall of Cefiro. Who you were, how you were called to be her blade, though you didn't know where you were being pointed until the end.
I know why you're going to become the Pillar. If the words won't reach you, I'll keep them safe. [ And her memories are an echo of a memory he hopes to never forget. I want to save the common people!
Something like saving the world, it doesn't really matter how you do it. But, although brave, it is foolish. Although foolish, it is brave.] Until they can resonate again, loud and clear, and you can return to your path.
[He'll be able to feel her tense when his words turn to nothing but silence - she hears Emeraude, and then it blanks completely, up until he mentions the Pillar.
If words won't reach you...]
I... I don't...
[She curls up her face against him, her voice quickly turning as frustrated as it is scared.]
What am I supposed to do when my mind doesn't remember but my... my heart knows it's gotta be a lie???? I know how old I am but I don't remember having a birthday... but I know, I know what a birthday is, and my heart knows it's supposed to be something happy, and I wouldn't just know without a reason! And it wouldn't make me feel this way if I didn't care, and I had to have something that made me care!!
[It hurts, it's hard, trying to fight two combating voices, of her mind crunbling to pieces and her heart pained to bursting, and he can likely hear that the tears are returning.]
I-I... I can't give up... I can't, I can't... but I c-can't choose both of them anymore, Hua-chan...!! I...
[Her breath hitches as she brings one of her hands to her face.]
I can't... I don't know if I want to... to keep holding onto what I think is true if I can't remember...
You're still you. [ If she doesn't remember everything, if she doesn't hold treasured memories in her mind's eye the same as she does her heart, if she's lost her name and her path...
It still doesn't change who she is. The little girl in the book shop, determined even while her heart was hurting, knowing what destiny she wanted to grasp in her hands - that's still in her core, even if it's buried deeper than her ribcage now. And who is he to say she's anything else than herself?
Even at rock bottom, Taizi Dianxia was still Taizi Dianxia. Even now, all that he is is still there.
Body in the abyss, heart in paradise.
Hua Cheng strokes her hair gently, the other hand pressed firmly between her shoulders to hold her steady. If she needs to fall apart, then she can do so, with the knowledge that someone will be there to catch the pieces. ]
There's no stopping your heart from hurting. But you are the same girl that stands on her own two feet, despite all the odds - otherwise, you wouldn't have made it to where you are now. Will you let it tear you apart, or will you face these odds like a lion?
[ Because Hua Cheng will not be kind to spare her her feelings. Will not coddle her, even as she is afraid. If she's a knight, then she's a fighter, and after what she's been through it would be a disservice to treat her like the child she should've been allowed to be. ]
I can't tell you what to choose. [ Softer, now. ] You deserve to make the choice yourself, for what feels right in the end. Whether it will be - that's for you to find out. But I can hold onto what you've lost, and what you decide to cast aside, no matter what it may be. And so long as we are here together, I will walk the path you choose.
A girl with no name, with very little left to define her from where she had come before, with feelings that seemed to have no purpose, that sprouted from what felt like a confusing, uncomprehensible sea of black.
...
But, no...
No, that wasn't right, was it?]
I'm...
[...
Who was she, then?]
...
Hua-chan... I don't know how... how right that is.
Who I am... who I... I was... that's... I can't see that anymore, Hua-chan. No matter how hard I look, I think... she's disappearing.
My heart feels the same. My heart... still hurts. It hurts for everybody that I've met here just like I remember it hurting before. M-my heart is what's scared for what will happen, if I can't remember.
But I...
[She tenses with a firm exhale.]
I remember you. And I remember Chijin... and Claude, and Raven, and Hajime-chan, Shuuya-kun, Shigeo-kun, Hansa-san, Chiron-sensei... I-I remember the people I love here... I know what my heart wants here...
I-I don't... I don't want to lose everything, Hua-chan, but... [She clings a little harder.] I still want to live. I want to live for the people I love, and... even if I don't know what to do, or I don't remember anything but right now...
I... I want to live... not for what I'm losing, but... for whoever I am. And for... for people like you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
What you wrote down, what you left behind, I'll hold onto them for you.
You asked if you could help me remember Dianxia - I'll help you remember this. Everything you've told me, who you are, who you'll become.
no subject
[She swallows, gripping him tighter. It should hurt, but it doesn't. She tastes the blood, but the sting doesn't follow, and her heartache takes its place, sickening and sharp.]
I'm... I don't know who I am. But I'm a Magic Knight... I'm a Magic Knight, keeper of Rayearth... protector of... of... Emeraude, Princess Emeraude... and I killed her with my own hands... because I...
...
[It's all a blur, pieces that she feels fit into place only days ago now disappearing into the back of her mind.]
I... I need to protect Cefiro. I need to... and I'm replacing its Pillar, but I don't... I don't remember why...!
Hua-chan... when did I forget??
no subject
The Realm gets worse and worse. But he slips both arms around her properly again, picking through the gaps to find what goes there, finding the story secure in his memories.]
You told me everything yesterday. You told me about Princess Emeraude, about her heartbreak, about the fall of Cefiro. Who you were, how you were called to be her blade, though you didn't know where you were being pointed until the end.
I know why you're going to become the Pillar. If the words won't reach you, I'll keep them safe. [ And her memories are an echo of a memory he hopes to never forget. I want to save the common people!
Something like saving the world, it doesn't really matter how you do it. But, although brave, it is foolish. Although foolish, it is brave.] Until they can resonate again, loud and clear, and you can return to your path.
no subject
If words won't reach you...]
I... I don't...
[She curls up her face against him, her voice quickly turning as frustrated as it is scared.]
What am I supposed to do when my mind doesn't remember but my... my heart knows it's gotta be a lie???? I know how old I am but I don't remember having a birthday... but I know, I know what a birthday is, and my heart knows it's supposed to be something happy, and I wouldn't just know without a reason! And it wouldn't make me feel this way if I didn't care, and I had to have something that made me care!!
[It hurts, it's hard, trying to fight two combating voices, of her mind crunbling to pieces and her heart pained to bursting, and he can likely hear that the tears are returning.]
I-I... I can't give up... I can't, I can't... but I c-can't choose both of them anymore, Hua-chan...!! I...
[Her breath hitches as she brings one of her hands to her face.]
I can't... I don't know if I want to... to keep holding onto what I think is true if I can't remember...
My heart... it hurts too much. It's too much...
no subject
It still doesn't change who she is. The little girl in the book shop, determined even while her heart was hurting, knowing what destiny she wanted to grasp in her hands - that's still in her core, even if it's buried deeper than her ribcage now. And who is he to say she's anything else than herself?
Even at rock bottom, Taizi Dianxia was still Taizi Dianxia. Even now, all that he is is still there.
Body in the abyss, heart in paradise.
Hua Cheng strokes her hair gently, the other hand pressed firmly between her shoulders to hold her steady. If she needs to fall apart, then she can do so, with the knowledge that someone will be there to catch the pieces. ]
There's no stopping your heart from hurting. But you are the same girl that stands on her own two feet, despite all the odds - otherwise, you wouldn't have made it to where you are now. Will you let it tear you apart, or will you face these odds like a lion?
[ Because Hua Cheng will not be kind to spare her her feelings. Will not coddle her, even as she is afraid. If she's a knight, then she's a fighter, and after what she's been through it would be a disservice to treat her like the child she should've been allowed to be. ]
I can't tell you what to choose. [ Softer, now. ] You deserve to make the choice yourself, for what feels right in the end. Whether it will be - that's for you to find out. But I can hold onto what you've lost, and what you decide to cast aside, no matter what it may be. And so long as we are here together, I will walk the path you choose.
no subject
A girl with no name, with very little left to define her from where she had come before, with feelings that seemed to have no purpose, that sprouted from what felt like a confusing, uncomprehensible sea of black.
...
But, no...
No, that wasn't right, was it?]
I'm...
[...
Who was she, then?]
...
Hua-chan... I don't know how... how right that is.
Who I am... who I... I was... that's... I can't see that anymore, Hua-chan. No matter how hard I look, I think... she's disappearing.
My heart feels the same. My heart... still hurts. It hurts for everybody that I've met here just like I remember it hurting before. M-my heart is what's scared for what will happen, if I can't remember.
But I...
[She tenses with a firm exhale.]
I remember you. And I remember Chijin... and Claude, and Raven, and Hajime-chan, Shuuya-kun, Shigeo-kun, Hansa-san, Chiron-sensei... I-I remember the people I love here... I know what my heart wants here...
I-I don't... I don't want to lose everything, Hua-chan, but... [She clings a little harder.] I still want to live. I want to live for the people I love, and... even if I don't know what to do, or I don't remember anything but right now...
I... I want to live... not for what I'm losing, but... for whoever I am. And for... for people like you.