[ xie lian has to force himself not to show more than he wants to. his stomach swoops, that well-honed danger sense of his now screaming, and he forces his reaction down. he has to stay calm. just because she's acting strangely doesn't mean she must not be utterly terrified, or angry, or -
he takes a deep breath. concern stays on his face, as deep of a well of compassion as xie lian has always drawn from. ]
...Please do. Brother Goat may be able to help. [ he. he hopes. he really does. he really, really does.
he bites his lip. ] ...I am worried, but meimei, it is because I care very much for you. Please don't think you have to bear such things by yourself. You would not let me do the same.
[ just a few days ago, even. ] If there is a way I can help you, I want to help.
I know. I... promised someone, somewhere, that I wouldn't be on my own... but...
I'm... scared, Dianxia-sama. [It doesn't sound right, to say she's scared like one might just say they're just hungry. But it doesn't feel wrong to her. She has no reason to panic.]
I'll do whatever I have to to keep myself safe. I don't want my team or the people I care about to suffer. But...
Could... you tell whoever it is that you saw? I don't remember, and I don't remember what they said or... or why they mentioned you...
[even though she just said why she mentioned them.]
I don't want them to feel I... I forgot about them when they helped me a lot.
...Of course, meimei. Anything you ask. I will make sure he knows.
[ xie lian hates this. he really hates this. it feels so wildly out of his control - to see someone he cares about so very much suffering like this is agonizing, and to know the way it could end is just...
he nods, to her request, and tries to keep it all close to his chest. xie lian speaks softly, weight to his words, the way he looks at her, all sorrow. ] ... Meimei. Will you pray with me?
Just that I think whatever was happening to them might be happening to me... but that I'll come find them tomorrow once I remember. They... they said it all came back to them really suddenly, so. Um...
[She trails off, looking at him with simple eyes, confused and clouded, but still with the same spark of determination she always carries.]
xie lian, after all, only just learned of the fact that taizi dianxia kept a young child alive - and that that young child stood at his side today, hundreds of years later.
he answers her softly, just loud enough to be heard. ]
[She holds the flower tight in her fingers as she turns to face him properly, as though perhaps her prayers alone might keep the offering between her fingers from vanishing. Her head stays bowed. But she doesn't bother to close her eyes. He who she seeked guidance from was right in front of her, after all.]
Taizi Dianxia...
I... want this world to be saved. Even with those of us that are... are foolish, or selfish, or frightened, or... or cursed with misfortune... I want us to find a way despite it. I don't want us to lose ourselves. I don't want us to keep blaming each other when something is happening that reaches beyond us. That... there are people here that have to do things they don't want. That they're.... they're trying.
I... pray, Dianxia-sama, to please... help even one person to learn to forgive them. Help them to forgive themselves.
[ xie lian stays quiet as he listens to her prayer, his heart heavy and full in his chest. he considers everything he knows of this place, of the people within it, of the way things just seem to fall apart at the seams. of san lang's anger, at yoshizawa's death, so deep and painful that he's been thinking about it since. of finding shiro's body, tucked among the flowers. of everything he can still remember in the weeks prior.
even one person. even if it's just one.
xie lian bows his head, too. ]
...It is a noble wish to have. [ he says, quietly, his voice affected. ] To help even one person... to save even one person... that is what I have always hoped to do. It is a reason to move forward.
...I will do everything in my power to try and grant that wish. I am not...
..."His Highness who Pleased the Gods" fell, and... a god of misfortune rose in his place. Titles given are titles given, and sometimes earned, but I... I will do my best, not as Taizi Dianxia - but as Xie Lian. As Chijin. I will do everything in my power to make this prayer come true.
[ and secretly he prays - he prays to no one, but he prays - that his misfortune will not infect hikaru, too. ]
[She hears, but it doesn't stick, and the clouded aura over her eyes only worsens. There's a stumbling of her words, Hikaru taking in a slow breath... before her hand moves to rub at her eyes, glassy despite her expression. ]
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I can't remember your name... Dianxia-sama...
[ ... he wishes he could hug her. xie lian just feels loss, like a piece of his heart crumbling into pieces. ]
That's okay, meimei. [ he says, gentle, soothing, reaching for the right words. he takes every single feeling of sorrow and despair and - hopelessness, he feels, watching hikaru suffer--and pushes it away.
you will never protect anyone, xian le.
he has to be strong for her. terrified, brave hikaru, her wild heart restrained. ] It is only temporary. Isn't it? You will remember. I know you will.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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To make this stop - meimei, do you have to be the one to kill someone?
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I don't remember...
I don't remember, I'm sorry. I don't... want to kill anyone.
[Her tone is still eerily calm, her motions just as relaxed as they've been all week, even though her words make her chest burn.]
I'm gonna talk to Goat-kun about it. I just...
You were the only person I could remember that anybody had mentioned. I didn't mean to worry you.
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he takes a deep breath. concern stays on his face, as deep of a well of compassion as xie lian has always drawn from. ]
...Please do. Brother Goat may be able to help. [ he. he hopes. he really does. he really, really does.
he bites his lip. ] ...I am worried, but meimei, it is because I care very much for you. Please don't think you have to bear such things by yourself. You would not let me do the same.
[ just a few days ago, even. ] If there is a way I can help you, I want to help.
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I know. I... promised someone, somewhere, that I wouldn't be on my own... but...
I'm... scared, Dianxia-sama. [It doesn't sound right, to say she's scared like one might just say they're just hungry. But it doesn't feel wrong to her. She has no reason to panic.]
I'll do whatever I have to to keep myself safe. I don't want my team or the people I care about to suffer. But...
Could... you tell whoever it is that you saw? I don't remember, and I don't remember what they said or... or why they mentioned you...
[even though she just said why she mentioned them.]
I don't want them to feel I... I forgot about them when they helped me a lot.
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[ xie lian hates this. he really hates this. it feels so wildly out of his control - to see someone he cares about so very much suffering like this is agonizing, and to know the way it could end is just...
he nods, to her request, and tries to keep it all close to his chest. xie lian speaks softly, weight to his words, the way he looks at her, all sorrow. ] ... Meimei. Will you pray with me?
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[She trails off, looking at him with simple eyes, confused and clouded, but still with the same spark of determination she always carries.]
...Mn. I think I can still pray.
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he shifts, moving to kneel down. not prostrating, or anything, but he clasps his hands together, and starts to speak out loud. ]
...Taizi Dianxia must be listening. I can feel him, I think.
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...Dianxia-sama...
You're... the prince from Hua-chan's story, aren't you?
The one who... who a man with white flowers worshipped for 800 years. Who kept him alive like Dianxia kept him alive.
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xie lian, after all, only just learned of the fact that taizi dianxia kept a young child alive - and that that young child stood at his side today, hundreds of years later.
he answers her softly, just loud enough to be heard. ]
...I am.
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Would you listen to my prayers, even...
Even if I can't remember the words?
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Of course. [ Does the strange martial god take offerings and offer blessings?"
"...I - you want to do that?"
"Well sure. That's a way for gods and mortals to interact, yeah? And paying respects is important.
"I can't guarantee that I can grant any prayers, here, but I am always here to listen... though I would listen to you as a friend." ]
...Meimei, I would listen to you as more than only some far away god. Please... it would be my honor.
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Taizi Dianxia...
I... want this world to be saved. Even with those of us that are... are foolish, or selfish, or frightened, or... or cursed with misfortune... I want us to find a way despite it. I don't want us to lose ourselves. I don't want us to keep blaming each other when something is happening that reaches beyond us. That... there are people here that have to do things they don't want. That they're.... they're trying.
I... pray, Dianxia-sama, to please... help even one person to learn to forgive them. Help them to forgive themselves.
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even one person. even if it's just one.
xie lian bows his head, too. ]
...It is a noble wish to have. [ he says, quietly, his voice affected. ] To help even one person... to save even one person... that is what I have always hoped to do. It is a reason to move forward.
...I will do everything in my power to try and grant that wish. I am not...
..."His Highness who Pleased the Gods" fell, and... a god of misfortune rose in his place. Titles given are titles given, and sometimes earned, but I... I will do my best, not as Taizi Dianxia - but as Xie Lian. As Chijin. I will do everything in my power to make this prayer come true.
[ and secretly he prays - he prays to no one, but he prays - that his misfortune will not infect hikaru, too. ]
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[She hears, but it doesn't stick, and the clouded aura over her eyes only worsens. There's a stumbling of her words, Hikaru taking in a slow breath... before her hand moves to rub at her eyes, glassy despite her expression. ]
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I can't remember your name... Dianxia-sama...
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That's okay, meimei. [ he says, gentle, soothing, reaching for the right words. he takes every single feeling of sorrow and despair and - hopelessness, he feels, watching hikaru suffer--and pushes it away.
you will never protect anyone, xian le.
he has to be strong for her. terrified, brave hikaru, her wild heart restrained. ] It is only temporary. Isn't it? You will remember. I know you will.
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I... when I wake up tomorrow, I...
[She'll... she'll re...
...
What... will she do?
...
Like sand slipping through her fingers, a rope fraying apart the longer its pulled.
...
She lets out another deep breath, before placing the flower in front of her.]
I'll wake up tomorrow, Dianxia. I'll wake up... and I'll find you.