I don't care if you think I'm stupid for wanting you to have a friend. I don't care if I have to hurt so you can feel you can trust me. But this isn't a game. And even if you think you're all these horrible things, that's something I have to decide if I agree with. Otherwise? You aren't. And I don't ever, ever say things that I don't mean.
I'm not going to do your dance for you if you want it to just be a game. I'm sorry. But I'm not going to leave you to be all by yourself, thinking the way you do, if all you can do is say cruel things about yourself and then run away.
I'm not giving up on you, Nico-kun. And someday, I will get your name.
[ A forced pinky promise shouldn't count, but he doesn't pull away— can't, with Hikaru touching him and every cell in his body screaming at him to leave. ]
Then stop being so stubborn and just read it. You think you gotta earn the right to knowing it or something? This is why you're stupid. It's just a name; don't make it out to more than it is. It's not important.
[ He's not important!! All this stupid amount of effort going into something like this, it's very much the opposite of earing any points from him. ]
I have read it. I've known what's marked on the PHS for over a week now.
[She knows this is Kano Shuuya.
His hand feels so warm in hers, even with how tense he is... but she'll lift her grip, taking his hand to rest between both of hers.]
It's just not mine to use yet. Okay? If it hadn't been important... you would have told me when we first met.
If none of this matters, then I want to learn what is important to you. I... want to know what it is you hate so bad that your smiles all hurt so much. Maybe then I'll know well enough that you can decide I'm not stupid anymore.
[ There's no way she can't not be stupid, with the way she is. Bright and earnest and soooo stubborn. His hand shifts in hers, not to hold back, but because like this, he can't make a fist. ]
...I think you already know, don't you? What's important to me? [ is there anything? ] What do I hate so bad? [ who? ]
[That this seems to be the expression that is the most open, the most horrifying, makes her heart clench tight.
kano is gonna probably drop dead in 5 seconds because, while she doesn't let go of that hand, hikaru does lace her fingers against it... but stops herself from hugging him, instead resting her forehead against his shoulder. Why? She's not sure. It feels like she should. Like this is better.]
I think I know.
But that's not something that's mine to say, either. Just like your name.
All I know for certain is that... something about you makes me really, really hurt. And I don't want you to hurt by yourself.
Not even people who say they are stupid, or weak, or useless deserve to be alone.
Also dead, inside, when Hikaru holds his hand and that weight and warmth drops down on his shoulder, burning and mortifying and he wants to shove her off onto the ground but he cannot move.
Like if he moves, something will shatter, and he doesn't dare.
Instead, he looks away, speaking to the empty space to his other side. ]
That's why I'm saying you're stupid. What's there to gain by hurting with me? Nothing at all.
Yeah? How else would I know I don't make a good one?
[ He's got friends!! They are great friends. He is maybe not a good one in return, refuses to rely on them at all, but he's got the one-sided experience. ]
...You're really telling me to Plus Ultra! friendship.
[ He shakes his head, though, because everything he does and has done have always been very deliberate- those aren't mistakes, he's not a bad friend for no reason, there is no meaning of changing how he is at this time. ]
I don't need bonus points, it's okay! [she's learning, oh dear]
Lemme know if you wanna go look around the spaceship, okay?? I think it would be fun. Even if you wanna do it by yourself, maybe I can just tag along for a little bit!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Don't run away from me!
no subject
I can if I want to!! What do you want?!
[ Though, he does freeze in place the moment Hikaru touches him. ]
no subject
and hooks her pinky against his]
I'm not gonna give up on you.
I don't care if you think I'm stupid for wanting you to have a friend. I don't care if I have to hurt so you can feel you can trust me. But this isn't a game. And even if you think you're all these horrible things, that's something I have to decide if I agree with. Otherwise? You aren't. And I don't ever, ever say things that I don't mean.
I'm not going to do your dance for you if you want it to just be a game. I'm sorry. But I'm not going to leave you to be all by yourself, thinking the way you do, if all you can do is say cruel things about yourself and then run away.
I'm not giving up on you, Nico-kun. And someday, I will get your name.
I promise that.
no subject
Then stop being so stubborn and just read it. You think you gotta earn the right to knowing it or something? This is why you're stupid. It's just a name; don't make it out to more than it is. It's not important.
[ He's not important!! All this stupid amount of effort going into something like this, it's very much the opposite of earing any points from him. ]
no subject
[She knows this is Kano Shuuya.
His hand feels so warm in hers, even with how tense he is... but she'll lift her grip, taking his hand to rest between both of hers.]
It's just not mine to use yet. Okay? If it hadn't been important... you would have told me when we first met.
If none of this matters, then I want to learn what is important to you. I... want to know what it is you hate so bad that your smiles all hurt so much. Maybe then I'll know well enough that you can decide I'm not stupid anymore.
no subject
...I think you already know, don't you? What's important to me? [ is there anything? ] What do I hate so bad? [ who? ]
no subject
kano is gonna probably drop dead in 5 seconds because, while she doesn't let go of that hand, hikaru does lace her fingers against it... but stops herself from hugging him, instead resting her forehead against his shoulder. Why? She's not sure. It feels like she should. Like this is better.]
I think I know.
But that's not something that's mine to say, either. Just like your name.
All I know for certain is that... something about you makes me really, really hurt. And I don't want you to hurt by yourself.
Not even people who say they are stupid, or weak, or useless deserve to be alone.
no subject
Also dead, inside, when Hikaru holds his hand and that weight and warmth drops down on his shoulder, burning and mortifying and he wants to shove her off onto the ground but he cannot move.
Like if he moves, something will shatter, and he doesn't dare.
Instead, he looks away, speaking to the empty space to his other side. ]
That's why I'm saying you're stupid. What's there to gain by hurting with me? Nothing at all.
no subject
No. I'm gaining a friend. Or... I'm trying to, anyway. I'm trying to give you one, too. That's enough for me.
no subject
I don't make a good friend.
[ He also does not want a friend— doesn't need one, thinks it would be so much worse if he had one. Especially here. ]
no subject
[She takes the poke in stride, face scrunching up a bit.]
Life's so much harder if there's nobody you can rely on.
no subject
[ He's got friends!! They are great friends. He is maybe not a good one in return, refuses to rely on them at all, but he's got the one-sided experience. ]
no subject
Just cause you're a bad friend sometimes doesn't mean that's how you always have to be. Sometimes you just need a different perspective!
Nothing can really happen if you don't choose what you wanna do with your mistakes, you know?
no subject
[ He shakes his head, though, because everything he does and has done have always been very deliberate- those aren't mistakes, he's not a bad friend for no reason, there is no meaning of changing how he is at this time. ]
no subject
[too bad poor hikaru can't see his meta text or maybe she'd have More Concerns]
I meant what I said. I'm not gonna give up on you, regardless of what you choose. I just wanna see you smile for real one day.
no subject
[ He wants to go home!!!!! then maybe he will smile for real u_u returning to the "real smile sometime in the future" canon point is still possible ]
no subject
[you sad mean goblin boy.....
There's a beat before she pulls away from him]
...That's okay. It's not like this place is anywhere any of us want to be.
I'll wait, Nico-kun. And if I do learn that dance, I'll show it to you. Even if you just laugh at me, I still want you to smile about it.
[And she lets go of his hand. Go, angry bee man, you're free.]
no subject
Do your best, Hi~ ka~ ru~ Maybe it's nothing to smile about, but it's something to look forward to. Bonus points if you bring dance partners!
no subject
Lemme know if you wanna go look around the spaceship, okay?? I think it would be fun. Even if you wanna do it by yourself, maybe I can just tag along for a little bit!
no subject
Do you know anything about cacti?
no subject
Why?
no subject
no subject
No, no, wait a sec. What are you doing with a cactus?
no subject
Gonna murder someone with it.
no subject
You think I'm stupid, remember?
If you were gonna murder somebody, you wouldn't bother to tell me anything.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)