[Someone's taken a little hike up the mountain to be with her thoughts, and even from a distance, Hansa will be able to notice her reaching out to touch a distortion, quietly watching it take place while huddled against the ground, decked out in this unfortunately with the hat pulled off her head and swung back against her shoulders. Her sword lies next to her. She doesn't seem to react much to whatever she's seeing, her breathing calm and steady, her brow furrowing a bit but otherwise seeming rather open.
There's a beat, a long moment of nothing. She turns at the sound of footsteps, giving Hansa a brief smile before turning back to the cluster and gently touching another.
It starts triumphantly. Exhausted and in pain but filled with a new boldness. A passion. An end goal in sight. And then something happens.
...
Still she sits, her face tightening at the familiar feelings, still strong and vicious and overwhelming. There's pain there, and it can be read even if it's begging to be pushed back. But she finds herself keeping her breath steady, letting her hands stay relaxed against her lap.
Viewing it all impassively, like a third party with very little reaction, even if it seems a little wrong.]
[Either way, Hansa witnesses it all, confused, and then........it just keeps going, and going. Like a rock starting to tumble downhill, gathering speed with every roll, until, until, until....the horrific crash.]
[He stands, stunned for the moment, but he turns to her instantly. Worried. Concerned. Confusion, still.]
[Her name earns a full-body flinch, Hikaru's eyes unfocused for a moment.
But she nods.]
...Yes.
[Her voice is... surprisingly even, her hands staying still in her lap.]
I... don't remember why. Why she asked me to do any of that. But I didn't know until then, how long she'd been feeling such horrible things. I don't think anyone truly knew.
[Something about it makes something twist inside his chest. To put three young girls into a situation like that, to....to help kill yourself...]
Hikaru. [His voice sounds neutral, but its as if there's an effort to keeping it that way.] You should have never been put in that position. It isn't your fault.
[Another flinch. His mouth opens and it's the familiar sound of static.]
Please don't say that, Hansa-san.
[Her voice doesn't raise in the slightest.]
Even if I didn't ask for it... even if my intentions had always been good, regardless of whether or not I should have been there... it doesn't change that I was there, and that it happened... that she died by my hands.
I owe Princess Emeraude more than that, to just... pretend I didn't have a part in it. All I can do is take care of what she left behind in her pain.
[What Emeraude was, after all, is what she will be stepping into herself if she ever leaves.]
I'm not saying you should pretend it didn't happen. Of course it happened. Of course you did it. But...you can still be upset that you were essentially forced into that position.
[Its a certain form of cruelty, to be told one thing and then have it be swept away t reveal something else entirely.]
She'll quietly reach to put a hand against his arm.]
All I can do is keep moving, Hansa-san.
Even I don't have anyone who knows what I felt... [Because she'd been alone. She'd done that on her own, hadn't she?] ... I still have to keep going, or I'll never be able to understand why it couldn't have been different. I'll... never understand why her heart was filled with hatred, if I don't keep looking for answers.
I don't want anyone to suffer the same way she suffered.
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heartablaze) wrote2020-09-09 11:59 pm
WEEK FOUR - WEDNESDAY
There's a beat, a long moment of nothing. She turns at the sound of footsteps, giving Hansa a brief smile before turning back to the cluster and gently touching another.
It starts triumphantly. Exhausted and in pain but filled with a new boldness. A passion. An end goal in sight. And then something happens.
...
Still she sits, her face tightening at the familiar feelings, still strong and vicious and overwhelming. There's pain there, and it can be read even if it's begging to be pushed back. But she finds herself keeping her breath steady, letting her hands stay relaxed against her lap.
Viewing it all impassively, like a third party with very little reaction, even if it seems a little wrong.]
no subject
[Either way, Hansa witnesses it all, confused, and then........it just keeps going, and going. Like a rock starting to tumble downhill, gathering speed with every roll, until, until, until....the horrific crash.]
[He stands, stunned for the moment, but he turns to her instantly. Worried. Concerned. Confusion, still.]
...Hikaru? She asked to...?
[To kill her?]
no subject
But she nods.]
...Yes.
[Her voice is... surprisingly even, her hands staying still in her lap.]
I... don't remember why. Why she asked me to do any of that. But I didn't know until then, how long she'd been feeling such horrible things. I don't think anyone truly knew.
no subject
[Something about it makes something twist inside his chest. To put three young girls into a situation like that, to....to help kill yourself...]
Hikaru. [His voice sounds neutral, but its as if there's an effort to keeping it that way.] You should have never been put in that position. It isn't your fault.
no subject
Please don't say that, Hansa-san.
[Her voice doesn't raise in the slightest.]
Even if I didn't ask for it... even if my intentions had always been good, regardless of whether or not I should have been there... it doesn't change that I was there, and that it happened... that she died by my hands.
I owe Princess Emeraude more than that, to just... pretend I didn't have a part in it. All I can do is take care of what she left behind in her pain.
[What Emeraude was, after all, is what she will be stepping into herself if she ever leaves.]
no subject
[Its a certain form of cruelty, to be told one thing and then have it be swept away t reveal something else entirely.]
...You've been through so much.
no subject
She'll quietly reach to put a hand against his arm.]
All I can do is keep moving, Hansa-san.
Even I don't have anyone who knows what I felt... [Because she'd been alone. She'd done that on her own, hadn't she?] ... I still have to keep going, or I'll never be able to understand why it couldn't have been different. I'll... never understand why her heart was filled with hatred, if I don't keep looking for answers.
I don't want anyone to suffer the same way she suffered.