[ xie lian sees hikaru upset when he's coming back to check in with san lang. as such, he gives her a few moments, but once the initial chaos of their new 'hosts' making their first appearance, xie lian's seeking her out!!
he'll approach quietly, hands folded behind his back, worry on his face, calling out to her. ] Miss Hikaru.
[She's tried to find a quiet place for herself, one where she can hopefully tuck away against a tree and let herself be alone for just a minute... just one minute.
It's going to be fine. She tells herself, it's going to be fine. They're going to find a way together. But the days are so long already, and to have Wolf explain things in such a familiar fashion strikes like thorns to the heart.
She hasn't quite cleared her face of wet streams against the skin when she hears Xie Lian call out for her, starting a bit from where she's tucked against one of the trees near the forest, wiping frantically at her eyes with her fist.]
I... j-just a minute, okay? I'll be right there...
[She hiccups under her sleeve, but gives her face another good rub with both her wrists and forces herself up to her feet.]
[ that is absolutely the sound of a young girl crying.
xie lian waits a moment, hands behind his back, but as she's getting up, he comes around the corner. the expression on his face is sad, but more genuine concern than anything, worry on his face. ] Are you alright?
[ not very convincing, at all, but xie lian does get it. he's quiet for a moment as he considers the question, looking away to let her have a moment to compose herself if she likes. ]
...I think we've certainly found ourselves in a strange situation, though the thought that is to help others is certainly heartening.
Yeah. It's kind of, um... what's the word, when you feel something you know you've felt before...
Dejavu?
[Her hands fold together in front of her, eyes drifting to rest at the pulse point of her wrists.]
I don't see why the Realm can't just let them be themselves, though. I know Wolf said they can't remember why anymore, but... wouldn't it be easier to just ask people for help instead of forcing them?
[ after all of that, xie lian's not really sure. nova, the realm... there's still quite a bit to process, more so than even he's really had time to do. he's quiet, for a moment, thoughtful. ]
...Though, perhaps then the duty especially falls on those of us who are willing to help. [ he answers eventually, a gentleness to his tone, laced with determination, too. ]
...It has to, right? It wouldn't take all of us if it's not what it needed. And I trust Wolf, and I want to trust we'll learn what to do. But...
[Her hands wring tighter, lips thinning.]
They said we might lose memories, right? Wolf said that everything will fall apart without Nova, and that's what memories are made of, but... you can't just put more water in a bowl and expect its leaks to stop, you know?
If we can't know what's wrong with the Realm, then... what happens to everyone here if we don't find a fix?
[ solemnly, xie lian considers that thought. ] ...I think you and I know the answer to that question.
[ he glances down at his hands, turning his palms over briefly to look at the callouses at his palms, at the missing red string from his finger. ] ...but... at least for myself, I want to take that as a reason why we have to figure it out quicker. Not just for myself - the memories of an old man are not so consequential - but for all of the people here, and for all of the people who don't know this is happening at all.
I can't let fear of loss be a reason not to wade forward into the darkness, for them.
[It's a good answer, and one that makes her feel warm. But with it just comes that familiar tightening in her chest, flickering back to watching out the castle windows as Cefiro shook around them.]
No... we can't. None of them deserve this. For them to have to watch everything come apart because we can't fight for them... that's not something we can allow. No matter how much we have to give.
I just...
[The worry and hurt spreads across her face almost instantly.]
[ oh, hikaru. xie lian's quiet for a moment, his heart squeezing for the young lady beside him. she is so young, and certainly doesn't deserve to handle such a terrible thing. for not the first time, he too questions the choices of this 'realm', but for now, he keeps it to himself. ]
...you know, Miss Hikaru, I am quite old. [ xie lian says this with a quiet, wise amusement, turning to look at her. ] For all of the life that I've lived, I have experienced many things - and I have forgotten many things, too. It's impossible not to, but over the years, I've done my best to hold onto little things that have kept me happy. The taste of a fresh mantou, or the air after a spring rain...things like that. Perhaps I cannot always hold onto every fact, or every detail, but that sensation always remains, and eventually, I can find my way back to the thing I may have lost. I have never found those things to be gone forever.
[ xie lian offers her a small smile. ] We have the fortune to not be in this situation on our own. Perhaps we can hold onto each other's memories, lest that we forget them. I may be no expert, but I would be happy to help you, if I could.
[Her expression wavers - a widening of the eyes, quivering of the jaw, signs that she desperately tries to keep from turning into full-blown tears again.]
There's so many happy things that I'd miss, but... I know I would find more. That's the good part about life, is that you can make more happy memories. But...
It's not the happy things I worry about forgetting...
[She stares back down at her hands for a moment.]
You look really well for being old, Chijin-san... I guess that makes sense, though. Clef is like that too.
I understand. [ heavens, doesn't he. ] Even still, if you need someone to hold the things that matter, painful or not, I am happy to help you shoulder your load.
[ at her question, xie lian gives her a little bigger smile, lighter. ] That's very kind of you. Is Clef a friend of yours?
points at that icon and cries in Yin Yu Knowledge ANYWAY 1/3
[Her tone is more controlled when she starts back up, though she's clearly some mix between shamed and embarrassed by her outburst. Clef, for the moment, is forgotten.]
I... don't want you, or anyone else, to be alone with even more burdens than you have to, even if you're okay with it. I want you to feel you can talk with me, too. I know I haven't experienced as much, but...
I don't want someone so kind to be alone.
hmmmmm!! wonder what that could mean for xie lian!
[ oh! the outburst startles him a little, too, and he blinks at hikaru, for a moment stunned...
and then lets out a laugh. what a sweet young lady. it doesn't sound remotely mean, just fond. ] I see, I see...! That's very kind of you, Miss Hikaru. I'll keep that in mind, alright? If I need help, you will be the first person that I talk to!
[ ... ] Well - the second. I can think of someone who may be quite offended were I to not find him, first.
[ hua chan... the way she says that is kind of cute. another name for san lang. ]
Mm. You know him as Hua Cheng. [ it's so odd to call him that! xie lian smiles a little in spite of himself. ] But to me, he is San Lang. He's my traveling companion. He's been speaking with you - what do you think of him?
[It's not a name for her, that much she can understand. But it's still cute to hear such a different term for a man that insisted to be called by -chan.]
Mm... He's really confident, and a little nosy, like he's curious and not afraid to ask things. But the way he speaks makes me think he knows a lot. And he's a lot gentler than her looks, especially when he speaks from his heart.
[ good!! good! xie lian has not seen san lang get along with... really, well, anyone. maybe his retainer? but he's like his employee.... so to hear hikaru talking about hua cheng in this way delights him. he knows san lang much in the way that hikaru is describing him, after all. confident, powerful, smart... and kind, too. ]
I think you've got a very good read on him, Miss Hikaru. Will you tell me a little about your brother?
[She nods, more than happy to share something nice despite what weighs down on her heart.]
I have three older brothers. Satoru is the oldest - he's nineteen and helps our mom run our family's dojo since our dad left. He's really strict sometimes and kind of quiet, but he always makes sure we're taken care of and knows what to say to help me when I have a problem. He does a lot of the cooking and helps me when I need extra practice with kendo, and he never, ever judges me for what I choose to say or keep to myself... but he encourages me to follow my decisions through to the end, no matter what I choose.
That's the part that Hua-chan reminds me of the most, I think.
San Lang can certainly be very encouraging. [ xie lian is so pleased right now. he's happy to learn a bit about his new young friend's life, and also! compliments for hua cheng! who is xie lian's favorite person in the entire universe! ] He has done much of the same for me.
[ there's a pause, and then xie lian smiles. ] I wouldn't say he's quiet or strict, though. If you can believe it, he is very cheeky - the cheekiest person I think I've ever met.
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w0 sunday, post npc
he'll approach quietly, hands folded behind his back, worry on his face, calling out to her. ] Miss Hikaru.
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It's going to be fine. She tells herself, it's going to be fine. They're going to find a way together. But the days are so long already, and to have Wolf explain things in such a familiar fashion strikes like thorns to the heart.
She hasn't quite cleared her face of wet streams against the skin when she hears Xie Lian call out for her, starting a bit from where she's tucked against one of the trees near the forest, wiping frantically at her eyes with her fist.]
I... j-just a minute, okay? I'll be right there...
[She hiccups under her sleeve, but gives her face another good rub with both her wrists and forces herself up to her feet.]
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xie lian waits a moment, hands behind his back, but as she's getting up, he comes around the corner. the expression on his face is sad, but more genuine concern than anything, worry on his face. ] Are you alright?
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She nods a little too firmly, even though her eyes are red.]
Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. I'll be okay. [She clears her throat against the inside of her elbow, wiping her sleeve against her face one more time.]
You were at the plaza when the cannons went off, right? What did you think?
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...I think we've certainly found ourselves in a strange situation, though the thought that is to help others is certainly heartening.
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Dejavu?
[Her hands fold together in front of her, eyes drifting to rest at the pulse point of her wrists.]
I don't see why the Realm can't just let them be themselves, though. I know Wolf said they can't remember why anymore, but... wouldn't it be easier to just ask people for help instead of forcing them?
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[ after all of that, xie lian's not really sure. nova, the realm... there's still quite a bit to process, more so than even he's really had time to do. he's quiet, for a moment, thoughtful. ]
...Though, perhaps then the duty especially falls on those of us who are willing to help. [ he answers eventually, a gentleness to his tone, laced with determination, too. ]
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[Her hands wring tighter, lips thinning.]
They said we might lose memories, right? Wolf said that everything will fall apart without Nova, and that's what memories are made of, but... you can't just put more water in a bowl and expect its leaks to stop, you know?
If we can't know what's wrong with the Realm, then... what happens to everyone here if we don't find a fix?
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[ he glances down at his hands, turning his palms over briefly to look at the callouses at his palms, at the missing red string from his finger. ] ...but... at least for myself, I want to take that as a reason why we have to figure it out quicker. Not just for myself - the memories of an old man are not so consequential - but for all of the people here, and for all of the people who don't know this is happening at all.
I can't let fear of loss be a reason not to wade forward into the darkness, for them.
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No... we can't. None of them deserve this. For them to have to watch everything come apart because we can't fight for them... that's not something we can allow. No matter how much we have to give.
I just...
[The worry and hurt spreads across her face almost instantly.]
...Some things are too important to forget.
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...you know, Miss Hikaru, I am quite old. [ xie lian says this with a quiet, wise amusement, turning to look at her. ] For all of the life that I've lived, I have experienced many things - and I have forgotten many things, too. It's impossible not to, but over the years, I've done my best to hold onto little things that have kept me happy. The taste of a fresh mantou, or the air after a spring rain...things like that. Perhaps I cannot always hold onto every fact, or every detail, but that sensation always remains, and eventually, I can find my way back to the thing I may have lost. I have never found those things to be gone forever.
[ xie lian offers her a small smile. ] We have the fortune to not be in this situation on our own. Perhaps we can hold onto each other's memories, lest that we forget them. I may be no expert, but I would be happy to help you, if I could.
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You... would do that?
[Her expression wavers - a widening of the eyes, quivering of the jaw, signs that she desperately tries to keep from turning into full-blown tears again.]
There's so many happy things that I'd miss, but... I know I would find more. That's the good part about life, is that you can make more happy memories. But...
It's not the happy things I worry about forgetting...
[She stares back down at her hands for a moment.]
You look really well for being old, Chijin-san... I guess that makes sense, though. Clef is like that too.
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[ at her question, xie lian gives her a little bigger smile, lighter. ] That's very kind of you. Is Clef a friend of yours?
points at that icon and cries in Yin Yu Knowledge ANYWAY 1/3
I... I want to do that for you too, Chijin!!
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Oops. She starts for a second, slapping her hand over her mouth.]
/3 there we go
[Her tone is more controlled when she starts back up, though she's clearly some mix between shamed and embarrassed by her outburst. Clef, for the moment, is forgotten.]
I... don't want you, or anyone else, to be alone with even more burdens than you have to, even if you're okay with it. I want you to feel you can talk with me, too. I know I haven't experienced as much, but...
I don't want someone so kind to be alone.
hmmmmm!! wonder what that could mean for xie lian!
and then lets out a laugh. what a sweet young lady. it doesn't sound remotely mean, just fond. ] I see, I see...! That's very kind of you, Miss Hikaru. I'll keep that in mind, alright? If I need help, you will be the first person that I talk to!
[ ... ] Well - the second. I can think of someone who may be quite offended were I to not find him, first.
im upset and it's only week 0
[Parroted, obliviously.]
Is he a good friend of yours?
(:
You may have already met him! He is here with us.
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[That's a lot of people, oof... but, hm, wait a minute... there's a couple people who had robes like Xie Lian...]
Is it Won-san?
Or, um, Hua-chan?
They both kind of wear the same clothes as you.
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Mm. You know him as Hua Cheng. [ it's so odd to call him that! xie lian smiles a little in spite of himself. ] But to me, he is San Lang. He's my traveling companion. He's been speaking with you - what do you think of him?
[
he's nosy. ]
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[It's not a name for her, that much she can understand. But it's still cute to hear such a different term for a man that insisted to be called by -chan.]
Mm... He's really confident, and a little nosy, like he's curious and not afraid to ask things. But the way he speaks makes me think he knows a lot. And he's a lot gentler than her looks, especially when he speaks from his heart.
He reminds me of my oldest brother, in that way.
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I think you've got a very good read on him, Miss Hikaru. Will you tell me a little about your brother?
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I have three older brothers. Satoru is the oldest - he's nineteen and helps our mom run our family's dojo since our dad left. He's really strict sometimes and kind of quiet, but he always makes sure we're taken care of and knows what to say to help me when I have a problem. He does a lot of the cooking and helps me when I need extra practice with kendo, and he never, ever judges me for what I choose to say or keep to myself... but he encourages me to follow my decisions through to the end, no matter what I choose.
That's the part that Hua-chan reminds me of the most, I think.
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San Lang can certainly be very encouraging. [ xie lian is so pleased right now. he's happy to learn a bit about his new young friend's life, and also! compliments for hua cheng! who is xie lian's favorite person in the entire universe! ] He has done much of the same for me.
[ there's a pause, and then xie lian smiles. ] I wouldn't say he's quiet or strict, though. If you can believe it, he is very cheeky - the cheekiest person I think I've ever met.
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i cannot believe dreamwidth cucked you this hard i am so sorry
18 DAYS LATER IM IN SO MUCH PAIN
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